I am

...subdued.

An intense period (mercifully short) knocked me down Friday and Saturday. Mother's Day yesterday was mellow and pleasant.

This morning...

Same old shit sounds more negative than I feel, but it kinda feels that way...(the same old shit part, not the negative part...)

It's a spiral, which is what I always contend. Looping curves which move forward, up or down, inward or outward...always onward, never closing.

So, yes, I am in process (seemingly in forever loops) with sleep, Qigong, food, homeschooling, decluttering/organizing, being.

Yes, being.

Here's a quote from D.A.R.E. an essay by Michael Chabon. He's talking about marijuana, but these words have struck a chord within me (who has not smoked pot since sometime during college).

"...could intensify the sunshine of a perfect summer day, but it could also deepen the gloom of a wintry afternoon; it had bred false camaraderies and drawn my attention to deep flaws and fault lines when what mattered---what matters so often in the course of everyday human life---were the surfaces and joins."

At the crux of my striving for balance lies this choice...of the surfaces and joins over the extremes both high and low. I am realizing and recognizing that my brain appears neurobiologically predisposed to tipping towards the highs and lows. That is where I feel most alive and most whole.

(Enough so that I've possibly been overcompensating for it in some ways, but not enough so that I've begun self-medicating or am unable to function in the world.)

So I turn my attention, in a more conscious way, to the surfaces and joins. Words can be such a catalyst...I am so grateful for writers for that.