Two people I love hate each other right now. It has been increasingly hard for me to deal with this. I have experienced a helplessness that is uncomfortable. And guilt. The weekend brought some of this to the forefront.
Then I ended up going off the rails with someone I love. Which never feels good. And left me feeling insecure. The feelings of insecurity really harken back to adolescence. Which kind of sucks, but I suppose can simply be taken as communication from my body/mind as I go a bit deeper with Dragon's Way.
I really wanted to eat eggs this morning. An old standby: poached eggs on toast with mayo. I started resisting at first, but then changed my mind set. Encouraged my mind to translate the urge a different way. My body and mind wanted comfort.
Deeper than giving myself a meal of poached eggs I saw there were other gifts and responses. So I toasted some walnuts. Dipped some watermelon into boiling water to take the cold off. Then poached some apples and pears. Next will be sautéeing eggplant (from Plympton) and mushrooms with some garlic, scallion, ginger and Bragg's.
It's not over. My uncomfortable feelings are jumping and crawling about right under my skin. But, I have things to do while I work towards transformation.
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