Cue the choir

The boys and I went to the Lego store in Paramus yesterday. (Hear the choir?)

We were walking out of Vinny's, where they had just had appointments, when Gem spoke up and said with the allowance they were due that day, they would have enough money saved up to buy something Sag has wanted for a long time (but has been unable to find in a few trips to stores like Target and Toy R Us) and a little something for Gem.

So, could we go to the new Lego store?

Normally, going to the mall, or truthfully, going anywhere spur of the moment at 4:30 pm, is out of the question. My mind is heading towards dinner and the closing of the day.

Gem pointed out that we were already out, which gave me pause. It is true that I like to group my outings together as a way to save time and gas.

In the last week, I have been consciously slowing down a bit interacting with the kids attempting to be more open to them, in a deeper way. (Scott Noelle's Daily Grooves have been a great companion piece to this practice.)

Instead of reacting to what they say and do, I have been trying to see beyond their words and behavior and connect to what it is they really want in a given situation. When any of us does what we really want to, then we are flooded with an undeniable and instantly recognizable good feeling...we experience authentic alignment of our heart, mind, body and soul.

And, so, as the late summer light was bending low over the Garden State Parkway, I drove us over to the new Lego store.

I talked out loud/explained to the kids about the possibilities of traffic and the time it would take to find the store within the mall never having been there before. They, of course, took that in stride and I became aware of how my own negative thoughts and baggage can affect the outcomes of their day (what if I had insisted we not go because it was rush hour?)

As it turned out, we hit no traffic, our parking spot turned out to be in a good location vis-a-vis where the store ended up being, we found the store easily, we made it in and out of the store with minimal stress (the last time we were Lego shopping I had had to carry Gem out of the store as struggled and resisted and cried---he couldn't find anything he truly wanted that he could afford) and though I was nerved up during our serpentine exit out of the massive parking lot trying to make it out to the "better" ramp back onto the Parkway, success was had and everything was fine.

I don't know why I think things are going to be harder than they are. But, I sure as fuck don't want to impart that way of being to my kids. It's not too late, is it?

This kind of doubleness that works against me can be so subtle, so deeply ingrained. I think of myself as an optimist...I know I am an optimist, but there's this part of my personality that capitulates to pessimism in behavior... I want to shake it off, this negative-colored way of seeing possibility. Every moment is a clean slate and I can arrive to it ready to play.

P.S. Walking up to the store and taking it in...it was pretty amazing. I imagine it was for the kids what it feels like for me to be in a wonderful yarn store. It was bright, colorful, and truly, Lego heaven.