Weekend update

I am overwhelmed, yo.

In one of those hyperly-noticing-every-little-and-big-thing-I-wish-was-done-but-isn't places.

Yuck.

Here are the (seventeen) tabs I currently have open in Chrome:

• Ikea Hack Standing Desk For Shorter Ladies.

•.Gummy Bears recipe.

• my Goole calendar:

• Sesame Kelp Noodles recipe.

• Fresh Ginger Syrup recipe.

• Momastery post that has had me very seriously pondering a 40 day internet fast.

• Momastery post with amazing letter to child posted during her 40 day internet fast which has had me seriously rethinking the fast thing.

• Texts From Mittens.

• The Two Simple Equations That Lead To Financial Success.

• Louis CK Was Almost Right About Smartphones, Loneliness, Sadness, The Meaning Of Life and Everything.

• Gluten-Free Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies recipe.

• another Gluten-Free Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe.

• A Raft Of Grief.

• Pasta With Pea Sauce recipe.

• Fig And Almond Cake recipe.

• Wanna Be On Your Mind:

• Silver Dollar Pancakes recipe:

The first thing that's kind of killing me: most of these tabs come with multiple thoughts/ideas attached to them.  

For example, the gummy bears recipe...

~~~I've been wanting to decrease the kids' sugar intake~~~they might like these~~~ooh the molds are on sale at Think Geek~~~I'll order a bunch of stuff to get free shipping~~~the Think Geek box arrived days ago and remains unopened~~~I spent a long time looking for other stuff to order~~~if I had just gotten the molds and paid for shipping I would have spent $50 less~~~I shouldn't have spent all that money~~~are the kids going to even like these~~~when am I going to make these~~~

Exhausting.  Stupid.  Unstoppable.

Well, seemingly unstoppable.

The second thing that's kind of killing me: this current reality of my desktop (in/arguably a virtual environment) totally mirrors the current reality of my home/body/mind (in/arguably my actual environments).  Lots of thoughts and ideas, intentions and dreams, converted into STUFF that PILES and GATHERS.

Sparks happy and bright devolve into dusty lumps forgotten-in-plain-sight.

This brings me down.  Not in the good-for-me grounding way described here, but in a pulled under into the doldrums way.

And yet, and yet, I push through...through these moments that are not comfortable (unfortunately, they are not comfortable for my little family, either), but are simply a part of my life.

Peace and love.