Y-M-C-A

I was all set to join when I hurt my shoulder. With physical therapy set to start tomorrow and my first appointment with my new acupuncturist scheduled for Thursday, I figure I'll have some good (ie. informed) feedback about what sort of exercise/ activity/ movement will best match my body's needs and abilities.

My non-starting relationship with regular exercise has been an albatross for years now. In trying to make this decision/commitment yet again, I took a harder look at some of the players in my personal drama.

Fear.

I have a resistance to being out alone outside which lies near healthy, but a little towards unhealthy.

When I was twelve, I began commuting to Manhattan to go to school (this continued until I was eighteen and graduated form high school). This involved walking about a dozen residential (read sleepy) blocks in my leafy Queens neighborhood to the subway station and then taking 2-3 subway lines to my school.

During this time period, enough men exposed themselves to me or molested me that I had to suck up a regular dose of dread and loathing just to get to school and back every day. (One guy targeted me for I don't know how long on the N train and would actually follow me when I tried to dart into another car to avoid him.)

I think I talked to my mom about it, but what could she do other than to be sympathetic and advise me to be alert and careful. It was "shouganai" (what can you do?) and I felt so lucky not to be my sister who was with a friend when she was mugged in a girls' bathroom at her high school during the first week of school a couple of years later.

Cost.

The Y is appealing because they are family friendly. But, it has been out of our price range the last few years because of the cost, and also, because we haven't been geographically stable enough to make the investment of joining a gym worthwhile. Now that we're here another four years at the very least, I'm feeling ready to take the plunge. Also, my last grad school student loan was paid off this summer. We're still carrying credit card debt, but the extra $200+/month will help to cover this new cost.

Climate.

I'm sensitive to heat and humidity. I'm back in the northeast where soon enough it'll be getting dark at 4:00 pm. And cold. And icy. Joining a gym cuts all this out of the equation. The Y is about a 10 minute walk from the apartment and once I'm there, the climate will be controlled.

Age.

At 41, I'm much more conscious of my mortality and really want to make the most of things and try to prolong my life in the ways that I can. Exercising will give me more energy and make me happier (hello endorphins). And, will give my organs and body systems a break. I'm pretty healthy overall, but incredibly sedentary. I could stand to lose 25 pounds or so and loosen things up.

Self-Care.

I'm trying to give myself more time and space. Our parenting style has been very hands on. The kids still come into bed with us (and given their druthers would always sleep in the big bed), Kinder nursed till he was 3, and they have never been cared for by a paid caregiver. Homeschooling is a natural progression of our parenting style. We've been very lucky and blessed.

Now that the kids are 5 3/4 and 7, I am parenting and homeschooling kids who are more independent in their skills and desires. I'm still with them nearly 24/7, but am no longer attached at the hip. I can do things like blog at the table while they draw (this morning, they started with their Ben 10 comic book creations and have moved onto their own versions of the Scrambled States of America).

Cap's academic job gives us more flexibility than his former 9 to 5 job (which so often means 8 to 6 unless you live 5 minutes from your work). We know his schedule for the fall now and are starting to construct a family schedule around it.

I'm blogging, I'm reading more (I cleaned up around my desk yesterday and collected all the books I'm in the middle of reading in a basket---surprising since I am usually a book-at-a-time kind of girl), and getting out of the house on my own to improve my health fits right in with my needs and desires.

It's really easy for me not go out every day. But then, I do go out, like this morning when I walked down the street to get my mammogram, and I loved the fresh morning air... Yesterday I checked the movie listing of our local art house theater. I can walk to this theater, I need to get out more!

Weekend

We had a great day Saturday with Sandy, Mike and Momoko. We had a simple yet sumptuous lunch which highlighted our farm veggies. We looked at Sandy and Mike's vacation pics and caught up with Momoko a bit about her two months in Paris.

Then we drove over to a nearby park and rode the paddle boats! It was hot, sunny, sweaty fun. After some iced goodies to cool down, we strolled around the lake and saw an egret of all things (this was a suburban park), a turtle, and took a break to clamber onto a wonderful, branchy tree.

I awoke the next morning to a wonderful aroma wafting through the bedroom. First and I wondered to each other what the source could be (he likes to wait for me to get out of bed to get out of bed himself and was mildly chagrined at my late awakening---Cap let me sleep in :-) Kinder, First and I wandered into the kitchen to this:


Cap invited Danielle and co. over for crepes and we ate alfresco on the patio. It's rare that all four of us adults get to relax together and it was very nice. Then they invited us to the lake. Kinder and Cap went and had a blast. First had a low grade fever and was forced to stay home. We had a quiet and productive afternoon. We spent abut two hours cleaning his and Kinder's room---one of those true cleanings.

And, I made a decision. I upgraded our cable tv service to include HBO and dvr (like Tivo but built into your digital cable system). Our promotional billling price for our bare bones service was about to come to an end and because of the company's smart/sneaky service structure, we could have paid $20 more a month for the same bare bones or upgrade for $29 more a month. HBO and BBC America, here I come!

The dvr is an experiment. My plan is not to watch more tv, per se, but to watch when it is convenient for me. So, with the dvr, instead of watching entertaining Food Network filler while I wait for Rescue Me to come on at 10:00, I can chill in some other way, go to bed at 10:00 and watch Rescue Me some other day at 8:00...

The kids are snuggling down for the night. Time for the night time blessing.

Kb toys

A shout out to them and a great local store manager. They accepted my return. So, two opened and used deluxe Omnitrixes went back to them a day after purchase for a full cash refund ($50).

The boys handled it well, took it in stride, really. I think First was not surprised because he has consciousness about my "no handheld video games" policy. I think they also realized that they have a pretty good life as we drove from the mall directly to our local comic book store where one of their comics was waiting for them in our "hold" bin. This followed by an errand to our doctor's office and dropping into our bookstore which is two doors down from the doc's.

Our new books:

Kinder • Night of the New Magicians (Magic Treehous #35)

First • Stage Fright on a Summer Night (Magic Treehouse #25)

Äiti • Stardust (Neil Gaiman)

Japanese eggplant

My heart did a little joy dance when I picked up our veggies this week. Japanese eggplant! I cooked some up this morning for breakfast, just like my obaachan used to do for me when I would summer with her in Yokohama (every five years during my childhood). I told First my story of Japanese eggplant as he perched on a stool eating some yogurt.

The eggplant was so tender, especially the beautiful purple-with-a-touch-of-magenta skin. As I thought about the difference that fresh, organic produce harvested in small batches, makes, I realized a there-all-along-but-new-to-my-consciousness element of my memories of Obaachan's cooking. What Farmer John does, is what Obaachan did, though on a much smaller scale.

Obaachan had a big vegetable garden and most of the veggies she used to prepare her meals came directly from the ground a stone's throw from her kitchen. I never appreciated her garden as a kid. I was impressed by its size and location more than anything. It was on a piece of land, an outcropping, that was below the sight line of the house or yard. We would have to pick our way down a path hugging the wall of dirt on one side lest you lose your balance and tumble down into garden plot.

Once in the garden, I was a kid whose eyes began darting about imagining all the worst creepy crawly, multi-legged, madly stinging bugs just hiding under the next leaf, perched on the tendril just over my head.... It became all about being ready to defend myself against these cursed beasts of nature.

I'm glad that something positive stayed with me, the image of my grandmother planting a seed in me completes the whole picture, doesn't it. I have been acting on my desire to bring our kitchen and nourishment closer to the garden. We've been enjoying our cherry tomatoes, green beans, chives, basil and mint. Our weekly CSA share has brought us a wonderful variety of veggies and herbs.

But, man, not having air conditioning in the kitchen and my recent shoulder injury have really put a dent in my kitchen productivity. (Productivity in the kitchen is key in order to keep up with the summer harvesting!) I miss the central AC we had in Sac. The shoulder pain is completely gone, thankfully, but I think my range of motion and arm strength are going to be problems till my physical therapy gets going next week.

So, there have been a lot of hotdogs, frozen potato products, pizza, sushi, and coldcuts being consumed as of late. Thank goodness for Whole Foods where you can buy processed and prepared food that isn't as bad for one's health as what's available in the mainstream (and is gluten and casein-free!)

But, this morning, the Japanese eggplant returned me to a better place. Simple and whole nourishment. Thanks, Obaachan.

Serenity personality quiz

Your results:
You are Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)

Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 90% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 80% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 80% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 70% Wash (Ship Pilot) 65% River (Stowaway) 50% Alliance 30% Inara Serra (Companion) 30% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 30% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 10% A Reaver (Cannibal) 0%

Medicine and physical healing are your game, but wooing women isn't a strong suit.

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

What were the chances, Chancer?

Chancer, a Clive Owen British tv series was next on my Netflix queue, but, how bizarre, a "short wait" for Chancer bumped Deadwood Season One Disc One ahead of it. Well, now I'll learn sooner than later what all the DW fuss is about.

And while I'm here, what are the chances that KB Toys will honor a toy return because the kids bought identical toys yesterday (the deluxe Omnitrix at $25 a pop using their own money) and I didn't realize until we were home and the kids were playing with them that they contain a tiny videogame and I have nixed the toys outright? Of course the toys are out of their packaging...

"Girl" talk

The orthopedist/sports medicine guy I saw yesterday? His last name is Filion. The physical therapy guy I'm going to see next week? His last name is Ruffalo. Too bad their first names aren't Nathan and Mark.

http://www.myspace.com/nathanfillion

http://markruffalo.net/

Oh, now I'm all hot and bothered. I had no idea Nathan Fillion had a mySpace page till I just googled him right now. Julie, are you reading this?

Record keeping/documentation/archiving

A focus for the first few months of the "school year" will be record keeping/documentation and archiving. As intuitive a person as I am, I want some sort of organized result of the kids' (and my) work. I trust myself (and Cap and the kids) completely in this endeavour of home learning, but I want to make sure that I have something to "show" for it on the other side. This will be useful for later schooling if the kids and/or we ever decide to go that route, as well as, for concerned family and friends. Most of us are primarily visual learners and having that visual can truly help to process and understand what it is we are being told/hearing.

I am thinking of large cardboard portfolios to collect the kids' 2D artwork for the year (browsing an art supply store...dangerous!) And some sort of binder system for various papers. Taking pictures and posting to the blog will also serve as documentation.

Since I am utilizing a bottom up approach, I'll be figuring out much as I go along. This is in line with my own learning style which is very kinesthetic. I learn by doing. It makes it harder to reign in the feelings of chaos that I sometimes feel. For, how can I bring about order when I don't yet know what I'm dealing with?

It is also the opposite of an institutional approach, which tends to be top down. Create goals and objectives (align them to state standards and standardized tests) and then disseminate the necessary information in the form of specific, structured, planned lessons. It is still sometimes hard for me to unharness my mind from this type of thinking having worked in schools as a teacher.

But, I don't have to answer to the state. And I don't have to "teach to the middle". The fact of the matter is, right now I have to go and get ready to drop the kids off at Danielle's and head out to my doctor's appt.

Telling time

Finally sat down with First for a few minutes to "work" on telling time. What this means is that instead of talking about how we can tell time on the fly, as the (plentiful) opportunities have arose over the past couple of months, I pulled out the Kumon book about telling time and we sat down at the table and flipped through it together.

I'm a sucker for these books. They're Japanese and appeal to a certain personal aesthetic. Something about the colors and quality of illustration. I usually pick them up at Barnes and Noble (they're more expensive than your run-of-the-mill workbooks, but when has that ever stopped me...I am willing to pay for quality).

We got to telling time to ten past the hour (noting the "minute" ticks on the clock face and how every time the minute was pointing to the number 1 it was five past the hour) when First stated that he was bored so we broke till next time. Kinder was chomping at the bit and wanted to write numbers in a fill-in-the-numbers chart from 1-60. The first chart I just sat back and let him go. During the second chart, I started gently correcting him (start forming the numbers from top to bottom, forming the number four by lifting the pencil rather than doing it etch-a-sketch style, using a pencil with a nicely sharpened point, etc.) Within a few minutes he was throwing himself on his bed yowling for me to stop.

Interesting, interesting.

South Africa/Stomp the Yard

Yesterday I faced a formidable pile of laundry which really needed to be folded in order to make the place halfway presentable for Danielle, Owen and Lukas. They are, frankly, used to the cluttered nature of our home and so halfway was really good enough :-)

The problem was that my shoulder prevents me from doing most things that require the use of two hands (my range of motion on the left side is limited to somewhere around elbow level). So in order to distract myself, I turned on the tv in the middle of the afternoon, something I haven't done for myself since having tv sentient kids.

I watched a show, I think it was called Globe Trekker, on a local PBS station. South Africa was being highlighted. Between my parents impending visit there (they leave Japan next week) and Anna's trip there in January, my interest in SA has increased as of late. Something I really liked about the show was that the two correspondents were themselves from South Africa.

Then last night I watched Stomp The Yard. Anna had left it behind for me to watch from a collection of contemporary films about blackness that she was viewing for potential teaching material (I'd seen Rize already and decided to pass on White Chicks). The "stomping" or line stepping in the movie (an artform performed and practiced by fraternities and sororities at African-American colleges around the country [an offshoot of a larger movement of dance]), had some notable similarities to the communicative movements/stomping that diamond miners in South Africa were demonstrating in the travel doc I had watched earlier in the day.

The miner stomping reminds me of hollering. So interesting how different parts of the body have been employed by cultures across the world for similar purposes/functions. And that had I not happened to catch Globe Trekker, I wouldn't have had this connective and contextualizing piece of information which expanded my viewing of Stomp The Yard in a critically meaningful way.

A movie we saw recently, Linda Linda Linda, was a Japanese movie set during the days of a high school festival (bunkasai). Bunkasai are a big deal in Japanese school culture and there really is no equivalent here in the States. The gist of the story is that a band comprised of girls needs a new singer last minute and an exchange student from Korea is randomly recruited. Cap loved it. I did too, but wondered what it would be like for someone completely unfamiliar with the culture and language of Japan to experience the movie.

The shoulder is starting to feel better and better with each new day. My appt with the orthopedist is in a few hours.

My breakfast of choice lately has been the Whole Foods brand organic granola with fruit and nuts. And, we have switched from soy milk to rice and almond milk. First and Cap are resisting the barley challenge (Rice Dream has a tiny bit of barley in it). Pacific Foods has started an unsweetened, organic almond milk line---yippeee! In the back of my mind I think about making my own granola and milks, but for now, it stays on the back burner.

I pulled out my two John Holt books yesterday (Teach Your Own and Instead Of Education). I want to read through them and possibly pick up Why Children Fail. I think for First a more unschooling approach is going to be the way to go this year (meaning more unschooling than Waldorf---last year was essentially an unschooled year for him). But, when I think of Kinder, I see him loving a very Waldorf Kindergarten "curriculum". More on this soon...

Weekend update

We had a great weekend with Cameron, Julie and Mike. Cam is about a year younger than Kinder and the three of them had a lot of fun together. Cam loves playing with trains, dinos, water, and running around the apartment chasing kids so he fit right in. It's always nice seeing Kinder and First rediscovering old joys like their train set.

We also went to the zoo. The train ride, crocodile, cougars and otter were the highlights. It was summer hot, but of course the kids didn't mind and the adults caught shade when they could.

I kept my shoulder pain at bay with loads of ibuprofen, resorting to round the clock dosing. It is strange to suddenly feel so restricted. I took advantage of Cap being home for the weekend and really tried not to do anything requiring the use of two hands. He was a trooper and picked up the slack despite having missed a work deadline and having company over.

I loved walking into the kitchen late on Friday night and seeing him and Mike (friends from childhood) playing Blokus and listening to the Sox game.

My shoulder feels a bit better today. I have an appointment with an orthopedist tomorrow and an acupuncturist next week.

First lost the last of his loose teeth late last night (that's his tooth box in his hand). Off to put their pet eggs in some water. They should hatch in 12-24 hours. Thanks Julie :-)

The gall bladder

Yesterday I went to Kelly's for a massage. I am having rotator cuff problems for the first time ever so to Kelly's I went in hopes of getting some pain relief. (The pain roared back last night and this morning. 800 mgs of Ibu is keeping it in check for the moment.)

The massage felt great, but not surprisingly, the best little nugget came in the form of the question posed by a gifted bodyworker: do I have trouble making decisions?

I thought, no I don't, but then it hit me, maybe I do.... I've always thought of myself as someone who has trouble "sticking" to decisions I make. Maybe there's another way of looking at that. Maybe, I think I am making a decision when in fact I am still in vacillation about it, and that's why I change my mind on what seems like a regular basis.

Interesting, interesting. Oh, and it comes down to the gall bladder. The sister of the liver, which has been pinpointed as a major trouble spot for me by many practitioners over the years.

So, the blog is back. I thought I was going to take a break, but I have changed my mind. There you have it.

Big, huge, loving congrats to Marci and Rich who welcomed Ismael home this week. He's a beauty and I can't wait to hold him.

Taking a break

I've decided to take a break from blogging.

Yesterday, I thought I'd like to put our tv down in storage for a year and Cap and the kids have agreed, albeit with mixed feelings.

As far as blogging, I think it's been a good way to ground me the past year as we made a big move and settled into a new home, neighborhood, community. It helped me feel connected to family and friends, many of whom I do not have regular phone or in person contact with. Sometimes, it simply made me feel connected, even if it was to etherspace.

But, as we approach our first anniversary of leaving and arriving, I've been feeling more aware and reflective of my personal well-being. I don't know if it's that I had some blinders on to help me through the year or if it's a natural progression of having more time to think about myself, but I ain't liking some of what I see and feel.

I cycle in and out of feeling tired (often), a touch depressed (sometimes), and asexual (almost always). This is nothing new and has been consistent for years. More recently though, I've been realizing that my imagination feels very...small and dried up.

One of my homeschooling kid friends that I've met this last year took a survey a few months ago of the moms that had gathered for Fiber Arts at her house: "what are your dreams?" As each mom ticked off her answers, a feeling of dread and sadness washed over me. I had no idea. I had no answer for this fresh-faced, wonderfully alive and inquisitive girl of nine or so.

This has stayed with me. And I thank her.

As we are in a break of sorts from the "school year" routine, as we begin our second year here (with no move planned in the near future!), as the kids grow older (and particularly as First enters his next phase of childhood), as I stand perched at what I hope is the second half of my life, it is time to take stock of what I want for myself and to go about attaining that.

So, a break from tv, a break from blogging. More time clearing the pathways to help myself feel and be more connected to my true self. For me to reclaim that self, my relationship, my dreams.

Thanks to those of you kept up with me/us by reading this blog. I do want to construct some sort of family website to share photos and updates of our goings on. I'll let you know when that happens.

Love and peace.

Our quilt

Sandy (my sister) made this quilt for us. She used our chuppah, which was orchestrated by Diane and put together cooperatively by a clutch of us on a wood floor in our apartment on Bellis Circle.

Our chuppah (as it stood during the commitment ceremony) had lots of mementos dangling around the edges of it, sent to us by friends and family around the world who were unable to join us for the event. The ones made of cloth were incorporated into the quilt, the ones of paper are saved in a box.

For over ten years, this quilt was treasured privately in various containers, shuttled around with every move. It has known the insides of many closets. I recently decided to actually use it. (I'd always thought of it as my first "heirloom" piece and felt a fierce protectiveness over it.)

Now it can begin the process of living life with us...and one day join the global pantheon of tattered, beloved, beautiful quilts, which are my favorite kind.

A busy month for the tooth fairy

First lost another tooth. Second one this week, third one this month. He was completely surprised when a routine wiggle yielded a tooth in the hand. The other top front one is loose, the last of the four.

20 questions

Today the kids and I played 20 questions while eating lunch. I don't know if losing his teeth has anything to do with it, but all of a sudden, First is taking FOREVER to finish a meal. There is a kind of oh-he-used-to-do-this quality to the experience...

Anyway, we played a few rounds and then Kinder stumped us. He was clearly psyched and it was a nice ending to the meal. (Actually, First was still going, but I ushered Kinder into the bathroom to wash up, attempting to signal to First the possibility of wrapping it up.)

As Kinder washed his hands, he glanced up at me and said with a shy smile, something like, "isn't it cool that the youngest person won?" Such a simple and profound statement of who he is and what it feels like to be him.

(Cap and I are both first borns and we sometimes think about how we will never be able to completely and truly relate to Kinder in terms of birth order experience.)

In between

The stormy showers of last night were not it. The cold front is coming, but not until tonight, I guess. So, though it won't crest over 90 as it has the last few days, it will get up to almost 90 and be humid today. Again.

Cap has had the car this week driving himself to WO High for the beginning of his summer gig.

The cicadas started their death song in the yard this morning. As if I had never heard it before and as if I was brought back to summers in Japan all at once.

Also this morning, Kinder is writing Monkeys in Moonlight and First is writing Captured on Christmas. These are their Magic Treehouse stories. I am their scribe, the words are theirs. The illustrations are combinations of their own and photocopies from the books.

Janet and her family will be coming by tomorrow for a visit. I am eager to spend time with them and for the kids to get to play with each other.

Cap surprised me with a bunch of roses yesterday.

I made what will probably prove to be the last batch of scape pesto for the season. There were no new scape in our veggies this week.

Blueberries are apprently the unofficial state fruit. They are now in season. I bought two boxes at the farmer's market and they were indeed tasty.

I spent some time on the Waldorf at Home discussion forum yesterday. That felt good. Like I was doing some of what I've set out to do this summer.

Had an orange passionfruit natural soda at Danielle's yesterday. It was delicious.

Talked to Jamie for an hour last night. Some interesting stuff about introverts.

First fell asleep quickly last night. It has been a long time coming. Losing his tooth was key, I think.

Cap says he wants to stay till he finishes his tenure run. He's becoming more connected to the adult literacy/education community locally and state-wide. I'm glad for him and am okay with four more years here.

Been craving ice cream the past few nights, I think it's the weather. But, I've been pretty successfully staying away from dairy (except for those "chocolate bricks" Cap brought back from Japan). I've been making do with soy ice cream with my favorite add-in, peanut butter.

Cutting down on processed soy products. Having rice dream with my cereal and tea. Feeling kind of foolish that now, when the kids are finally acclimated to drinking soy milk as a source of calcium, I'm thinking of switching them over to rice. I was a sucker for Silk's skillful niche carving of the cow milk alternative market.

Janet just called. Their flight was cancelled and now they're not flying in till late Friday night. Bummer.

Mary and co. are headed to Ireland Sunday. I'll miss them.

Tempers are shortening here. Maybe I should put the AC on. Kinder's been punching again lately and First has been less patient.

First keeps coming round to the bowl of tamari almonds by the computer to snack.

I'm going to go download the song used at the beginning of Rescue Me. Love it.

Over the hump

We had First's "family" party on Sunday and his first "big" tooth fell out yesterday (we both had a moment of "oh no" wondering if it had gone down his gullet with some Koala Crisps --- it didn't). There is palpable relief in the air as these milestones now begin receding in the rear view mirror.


This picture is such a reflection of our DNA. Both sides of our family embrace the joyful preparation and sharing of copious amounts of food at celebrations. I do feel a distinct sense of accomplishment that this particular spread, in honor of our GFCF kid, is completely gluten and casein-free.

Summer solstice

We celebrated the longest day of the year at a local pond with friends. Our picnic supper was interrupted by a spot of rain (we ate standing, remaining completely dry, under some trees), but we saw a lot of wildlife (deer, rabbits, butterflies, ducks and ducklings) and had a nice hike around the pond with its varied ecosystems (sheer rock face, lily pads, grassy meadow, stone bridge).


I adore watching my kids be in their element in nature. And when Lukas crowed out, "let's do this again next year!," I got all warm and fuzzy. I am relishing this reality of staying put... A year ago we were in such transition.

The birds and the bees

The kids and I were conversing yesterday when Kinder asked me, completely in context and without guile, "how can your body know to stop making babies then?" I had just stated that I didn't want to be pregnant again, that I was content with my two.

Gulp.

Letting my next few sentences trail off into vapor didn't quite work, they were pretty curious. So I blundered my way through an explanation involving eggs ands seeds and absence of opportunity...and we moved on.

I discovered a couple of weeks ago that Silke is doing sex ed with her kids, culling from a UU curriculum she picked up. Danielle mentioned a book today in comic book (!) format. It is important to me that the kids are informed and comfortable about their own bodies and sexuality, and sex in general. I guess it's time for me to begin putting my money where my mouth is.