Taking a break

I've decided to take a break from blogging.

Yesterday, I thought I'd like to put our tv down in storage for a year and Cap and the kids have agreed, albeit with mixed feelings.

As far as blogging, I think it's been a good way to ground me the past year as we made a big move and settled into a new home, neighborhood, community. It helped me feel connected to family and friends, many of whom I do not have regular phone or in person contact with. Sometimes, it simply made me feel connected, even if it was to etherspace.

But, as we approach our first anniversary of leaving and arriving, I've been feeling more aware and reflective of my personal well-being. I don't know if it's that I had some blinders on to help me through the year or if it's a natural progression of having more time to think about myself, but I ain't liking some of what I see and feel.

I cycle in and out of feeling tired (often), a touch depressed (sometimes), and asexual (almost always). This is nothing new and has been consistent for years. More recently though, I've been realizing that my imagination feels very...small and dried up.

One of my homeschooling kid friends that I've met this last year took a survey a few months ago of the moms that had gathered for Fiber Arts at her house: "what are your dreams?" As each mom ticked off her answers, a feeling of dread and sadness washed over me. I had no idea. I had no answer for this fresh-faced, wonderfully alive and inquisitive girl of nine or so.

This has stayed with me. And I thank her.

As we are in a break of sorts from the "school year" routine, as we begin our second year here (with no move planned in the near future!), as the kids grow older (and particularly as First enters his next phase of childhood), as I stand perched at what I hope is the second half of my life, it is time to take stock of what I want for myself and to go about attaining that.

So, a break from tv, a break from blogging. More time clearing the pathways to help myself feel and be more connected to my true self. For me to reclaim that self, my relationship, my dreams.

Thanks to those of you kept up with me/us by reading this blog. I do want to construct some sort of family website to share photos and updates of our goings on. I'll let you know when that happens.

Love and peace.

Our quilt

Sandy (my sister) made this quilt for us. She used our chuppah, which was orchestrated by Diane and put together cooperatively by a clutch of us on a wood floor in our apartment on Bellis Circle.

Our chuppah (as it stood during the commitment ceremony) had lots of mementos dangling around the edges of it, sent to us by friends and family around the world who were unable to join us for the event. The ones made of cloth were incorporated into the quilt, the ones of paper are saved in a box.

For over ten years, this quilt was treasured privately in various containers, shuttled around with every move. It has known the insides of many closets. I recently decided to actually use it. (I'd always thought of it as my first "heirloom" piece and felt a fierce protectiveness over it.)

Now it can begin the process of living life with us...and one day join the global pantheon of tattered, beloved, beautiful quilts, which are my favorite kind.

A busy month for the tooth fairy

First lost another tooth. Second one this week, third one this month. He was completely surprised when a routine wiggle yielded a tooth in the hand. The other top front one is loose, the last of the four.

20 questions

Today the kids and I played 20 questions while eating lunch. I don't know if losing his teeth has anything to do with it, but all of a sudden, First is taking FOREVER to finish a meal. There is a kind of oh-he-used-to-do-this quality to the experience...

Anyway, we played a few rounds and then Kinder stumped us. He was clearly psyched and it was a nice ending to the meal. (Actually, First was still going, but I ushered Kinder into the bathroom to wash up, attempting to signal to First the possibility of wrapping it up.)

As Kinder washed his hands, he glanced up at me and said with a shy smile, something like, "isn't it cool that the youngest person won?" Such a simple and profound statement of who he is and what it feels like to be him.

(Cap and I are both first borns and we sometimes think about how we will never be able to completely and truly relate to Kinder in terms of birth order experience.)

In between

The stormy showers of last night were not it. The cold front is coming, but not until tonight, I guess. So, though it won't crest over 90 as it has the last few days, it will get up to almost 90 and be humid today. Again.

Cap has had the car this week driving himself to WO High for the beginning of his summer gig.

The cicadas started their death song in the yard this morning. As if I had never heard it before and as if I was brought back to summers in Japan all at once.

Also this morning, Kinder is writing Monkeys in Moonlight and First is writing Captured on Christmas. These are their Magic Treehouse stories. I am their scribe, the words are theirs. The illustrations are combinations of their own and photocopies from the books.

Janet and her family will be coming by tomorrow for a visit. I am eager to spend time with them and for the kids to get to play with each other.

Cap surprised me with a bunch of roses yesterday.

I made what will probably prove to be the last batch of scape pesto for the season. There were no new scape in our veggies this week.

Blueberries are apprently the unofficial state fruit. They are now in season. I bought two boxes at the farmer's market and they were indeed tasty.

I spent some time on the Waldorf at Home discussion forum yesterday. That felt good. Like I was doing some of what I've set out to do this summer.

Had an orange passionfruit natural soda at Danielle's yesterday. It was delicious.

Talked to Jamie for an hour last night. Some interesting stuff about introverts.

First fell asleep quickly last night. It has been a long time coming. Losing his tooth was key, I think.

Cap says he wants to stay till he finishes his tenure run. He's becoming more connected to the adult literacy/education community locally and state-wide. I'm glad for him and am okay with four more years here.

Been craving ice cream the past few nights, I think it's the weather. But, I've been pretty successfully staying away from dairy (except for those "chocolate bricks" Cap brought back from Japan). I've been making do with soy ice cream with my favorite add-in, peanut butter.

Cutting down on processed soy products. Having rice dream with my cereal and tea. Feeling kind of foolish that now, when the kids are finally acclimated to drinking soy milk as a source of calcium, I'm thinking of switching them over to rice. I was a sucker for Silk's skillful niche carving of the cow milk alternative market.

Janet just called. Their flight was cancelled and now they're not flying in till late Friday night. Bummer.

Mary and co. are headed to Ireland Sunday. I'll miss them.

Tempers are shortening here. Maybe I should put the AC on. Kinder's been punching again lately and First has been less patient.

First keeps coming round to the bowl of tamari almonds by the computer to snack.

I'm going to go download the song used at the beginning of Rescue Me. Love it.

Over the hump

We had First's "family" party on Sunday and his first "big" tooth fell out yesterday (we both had a moment of "oh no" wondering if it had gone down his gullet with some Koala Crisps --- it didn't). There is palpable relief in the air as these milestones now begin receding in the rear view mirror.


This picture is such a reflection of our DNA. Both sides of our family embrace the joyful preparation and sharing of copious amounts of food at celebrations. I do feel a distinct sense of accomplishment that this particular spread, in honor of our GFCF kid, is completely gluten and casein-free.

Summer solstice

We celebrated the longest day of the year at a local pond with friends. Our picnic supper was interrupted by a spot of rain (we ate standing, remaining completely dry, under some trees), but we saw a lot of wildlife (deer, rabbits, butterflies, ducks and ducklings) and had a nice hike around the pond with its varied ecosystems (sheer rock face, lily pads, grassy meadow, stone bridge).


I adore watching my kids be in their element in nature. And when Lukas crowed out, "let's do this again next year!," I got all warm and fuzzy. I am relishing this reality of staying put... A year ago we were in such transition.

The birds and the bees

The kids and I were conversing yesterday when Kinder asked me, completely in context and without guile, "how can your body know to stop making babies then?" I had just stated that I didn't want to be pregnant again, that I was content with my two.

Gulp.

Letting my next few sentences trail off into vapor didn't quite work, they were pretty curious. So I blundered my way through an explanation involving eggs ands seeds and absence of opportunity...and we moved on.

I discovered a couple of weeks ago that Silke is doing sex ed with her kids, culling from a UU curriculum she picked up. Danielle mentioned a book today in comic book (!) format. It is important to me that the kids are informed and comfortable about their own bodies and sexuality, and sex in general. I guess it's time for me to begin putting my money where my mouth is.

Garden pics

Lavender, the incredibly bountiful mint, echinacea, and bee balm (in the back left corner, which I had to pinch almost all of the leaves off of because of mold).






Basil, nearly decimated coriander (cilantro), and chives. I replanted the coriander hoping to rejuvenate it. If this doesn't work, I'm going to replace it with a new plant. The chives were divine in a smoked salmon sandwich at lunch today, tucked in with lettuce from the farm. Mmmm.




The mighty tomatoes, a gift from Danielle. I am stunned at how heartily these are growing.

















Kinder's sunflowers. So far, so good. I can't wait to see these bloom.
















The amazing beans. I'll be staking these soon. One of the sprouts/buds was gone this morning, the stem now sheared off at the top. I imagine a creature went for it.












For a gardening novice, self-identified "black" thumb, and fan of the natural world, I am humbled, awed, and made really happy by the goings on in our little corner of Earth.

First day of summer

A gorgeous, perfect day to celebrate the first day of summer. It dawned on me today that one of the unique and satisfying weather features of the northeast is the absolute clarity and refreshment that comes after a period of mugginess. There is an energy in this that I appreciate.

While the kids played, I worked on the solstice bracelets I'm giving to them and our friends with whom we will be celebrating tonight. We will be driving out to a pond to have a picnic dinner and frolic until the sun sets.

Listening to joyful sign

The song, not the cd. This was by far my favorite song that Girlyman sang at the concert we went to in December.

Finally got "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn yesterday. This is a book that I've been interested in reading for over a year, but hem here haw there and now it's in my hands. I read the introduction last night. Cap was tucking the kids in with a tanuki story and I had a full evening ahead of me. I started tearing up as I read, mostly PMS, but in part feeling like I was being beckoned by a supportive and understanding hand.

So, I put it down deciding to wait for a more clear headed time and watched Amores Perros instead (finding time for a 2 hour plus movie is tough these days) and followed it with a Rescue Me chaser.

Reading while walking

I watched in delight, recognition and awe as First read "High Tide In Hawaii" (Magic Treehouse #28) as he walked from the bookstore to the car. This included crossing two streets. Talk about being in the zone. Much of my delight has to do with the fact that First often isn't in the zone (as opposed to his brother who pretty much lives there).

We did go to the library this morning (where they found four or five MT titles they were interested in), but then I bartered a new book each for getting adjusted, the chiropractor's office being about a hundred feet from the bookstore.

Many blissful moments here. My adjustment was fantastic, I got to snooze for a bit this afternoon under a wonderful breeze, our Farmer John cache was exciting (bok choy! peas! baby daikon! and drumroll please...more garlic scapes!), and my man is home.

Cap's back

Big out breath :-)

I went to bed at 10:00 which hadn't occurred the whole time he was gone and Kinder slept till past 7:30 which is virtually unheard of. Cap surprised First and I by getting out of bed before Kinder and the three of us hung out and talked in the livingroom (First and I spooning on the couch under a throw, Cap tucked into the beanbag chair) about planets and stars and about all the trains Cap rode while he was in Japan.

Laundry, unpacking, chiropractor, Target, bank, CSA, thank you cards, haircuts, and staying cool are on the agenda today.

Heartbeat

Kinder has been listening to my heartbeat lately, his warm and sturdy five and a half year old body nestling right up to mine as he places his head against my chest.

Now, I know I can be a bit of a mouth breather at times, but I burst out laughing when today, as he listened for my heartbeat, he exclaimed, "stop breathing, I can't hear your heart!"

Pondering potatoes

At dinner tonight, First was munching away on what will hereafter be known as "potatoes Danielle" (red potatoes washed and sliced, briefly boiled, then sauteed in olive oil with fresh herbs of your choice---in this case Farmer John's oregano).

He came upon a little pre-sprout bud and wondered what it was. I wasn't sure what it was technically and first translated from what I know it as in Japanese "me" and said it was "an eye". Clearly an unexpected and unpalatable response. Then I realized that it was probably not "me" meaning "eye", but "me" meaning "sprout" and offered that up.

I asked aloud whether it might be considered a seed, but then First reminded me that pieces of potato can be planted to produce potato plants, so potatoes are seeds themselves.

Then he said, "then where did the first potato come from?"

Pause.

Pause.

"Mutation?," he offered, and we cocked our heads to ponder and finished dinner.

Song of the humpback whale

The other night, First was having trouble falling asleep and we ended up watching about 15 minutes of Planet Earth on tv. He heard the song of the humpback whale for the first time ever.

A few mintues ago, he asked me to hand him the humpback whale so that he could play with it in the bath. "What does it sound like again?," he asked.

I did my best impression and he picked up the tone as my song trailed off.

I love this kind of moment, a piece falling into place, a spiral looping around...

Melinda doolittle

I bought a Whitney Houston song, "I Believe In You And Me", off of iTunes the other day (a rare occurrence but it was fun to do some shopping this way, I can see this becoming more of a habit).

I watched American Idol for the first time this season. One week, the judges and producers of the show chose songs for the contestants to sing. Apparently, the idea was to throw Melinda Doolittle a curve ball by assigning her a Whitney tune. Houston is supposedly so technically brilliant, vocally, that most folks on Idol maintain a secure distance from her songs.

Melinda sang this song and MOVED me. The Whitney version, which I bought to put on my 2007 comp isn't the same. I'll have to keep my eye on the Idol website to see if I can buy Melinda's version.

Other tunes bought that day:

Phantom Limb by The Shins
Joyful Sign by Girlyman
The Picture by Son Volt
Champagne Supernova by Matt Pond PA

And then two days later:

You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You by Dean Martin
Box Of Rain by Grateful Dead
Rhode Island Is Famous For You by Erin McKeown
Shine On by Rani Arbo and Daisy Mayhem

Magic treehouse the next day

Kinder has been working on his first Magic Treehouse book for the last hour or so. It's called, "Genies before Driving". He's made the cover and written a table of contents. He is cutting his pieces of paper down to the size of the books themselves. He wants to dictate the story to me now.

Monopoly jr.

Jay and Amy gave First Monopoly Jr. for his birthday. He's digging it.

We played this morning after coming in from gardening and play. Kinder joined us for the first time. First was the banker for the first time. This is the first board game that we've played with that I have specific memories playing as a kid myself. (We didn't have a ton of board games growing up and a lot of the board games we have are cooperative, non-competitive ones.)

I was never that into Monopoly. Life, now that was my game.

Garlic scape

We joined our local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) and I am excited.

Nestled amongst the first week's veggies were something I had never seen before: (garlic) scapes. Danielle was over and we pondered them briefly before moving on to oohing and ahhing the sprigs of oregano, the radishes and the three varieties of lettuce (she took home the red leaf).

Here's a link to someone's blog that has pictures of scapes. We are digital camera-less until Monday when Cap returns from Japan.

http://yesyellocello.blogspot.com/2004/06/june-scapes.html

I did some googling last night and discovered a recipe for garlic scape pesto. I made some this afternoon minus the Parmesan cheese. It looks fantastic, and would taste it too, had I not dumped too much salt in there. Ach, well, what are you going to do. I'm still going to eat it...sparingly.

Last night I made a salad with the romaine lettuce from the farm, an avocado, and a lemony dressing. I tossed on some raw, chopped scape and it was wonderful. I got the recipe off the Mothering website the other day.

I love the feelings of connectivity and satisfaction I get knowing this food is so fresh. It was grown and tended to by a local farmer, dug out of the ground and put on the back of his truck, delivered to my neighborhood the very same day (give or take a day?), and ends up in my belly as early as that night. I love it.

I also love being nudged into being better about using the ingredients I have to prepare our meals. Purple Dragon (a national co-op that has a number of local "pods"---we belonged to one from fall to spring and will most likely rejoin once our local harvesting season is over) did this too, but only to a certain extent. I still found myself tossing produce that had been sitting in the fridge too long (they do drop-offs once every two weeks instead of every week).

I am completely inspired by our access to this local, organic, seasonal produce.

The magic treehouse

There is a book series called The Magic Treehouse. It's been around for over ten years and the series is nearly forty books strong. When I was in Sacramento, Malachi, who had shared with me how much he loves the books, gave me his copy of book number one, to give to First and Kinder. He did this in the car, as he and Erika were driving me to the Amtrak station.

The kids were intrigued, but didn't bite right away. We went to Will's house for a visit a month later and during our stay, the kids saw that he had some of these books, too. Then, last week, I took Kinder to our neighborhood (independent) bookstore so that he could buy a birthday gift for his brother. He chose a boxed set of three or four Magic Treehouse books. He wasn't too bothered by the fact that the store didn't have book number two.

Once the dust settled on First's birthday, I discovered him lying on my bed, his nose in a book. Then it was lying on the livingroom couch. Then perched on the stairs going up from the bathroom to his room. He was hooked. Not since Uncle Scrooge and his capers has a series caught his attention like this.

Kinder loves the books, too, but it's a different experience for him. He can't yet read them to himself and he doesn't get some of what's going on (the books are considered second grade reading level).

The narcissist in me is pleased and feeling all is right in the world. Lying around with my nose stuck in a book and my imagination galloping around is how I spent much of my childhood.

The worrier in me is girding for the next storm of consumption. My kids are part of the "collect them all!" army of kids. I think part of it's genetic, Cap and I are both known for our completist tendencies. I also think part of it is learned. We have made choices along our parenting path that have led our boys to have the biggest collections of Thomas, Cars, Knex, and the latest craze, Ben 10, of anyone we know.

The thing is, although their interest may wane in their older toys and things, their true affection for them hasn't. Their consumption is not mindless or frenetic. Their exposure to tv commercials is limited to virtually none and because they do not attend school, they aren't as privvy to current fads and kid culture as some of their same age peers.

I'm wondering if we're on a precipice, and if I am catching a glimpse of hundreds of books to come. When I was growing up, my mom took us to the library regularly and I took out piles of books. After we moved during my third grade year, our walk to the library was easily a half mile. (I don't know how she did it, I am the oldest of three.)

During high school I started buying books. My dad would take us to the big Barnes and Noble in downtown Manhattan and let us buy a bag of books each once or twice a year. It was also during this time that I earned a regular wage baby-sitting and I would buy myself trade paperbacks at the bookstore on Austin Street. During college I bought a lot of books using my parents' credit card and I've never looked back.

My own consumption of books has slowed down drastically since having kids. I stil love to read, but rarely do. My preferred reading style is to read for hours on end, having personal reading marathons and finishing books in a day or two. Very old habits are hard to break.

So, now that Kinder and First have started hanging out with Jack and Annie in the magic treehouse, I wonder how the future will unfold as I smile and remember my reading past.

It was so cute...

today I grabbed some leftover pizza out of the fridge for Kinder and he said, "can you air condition it for me?"

Nighttime misery

First has been having trouble falling asleep for a few weeks.

Possible culprits:

• four loose teeth after a drought of a year (one came out last week)

• his recent birthday...anticipation of the unknown is unbearable for him sometimes, mostly it is just plain uncomfortable

• Cap has been away on a 2 week research trip to Japan

• the change of seasons and shifts in weather...after two summers in hot, but dry Sac, the humidity here is a drag

Rescue Remedy and Rescue Sleep (Bach flower essences) have helped some, as has Calmes Forté 4 Kids. The three of us have been sleeping together in the big bed, which helps, too (though not so much in the falling asleep realm because I have not been lying down with them for any length of time). The routines of reading before bed and our nighttime blessings help. Baths help.

This afternoon I told him I thought his nerves were shot (I had just discovered that he'd had a very loose poop). He was curious about the term and I felt my descriptions of what I think can happen to our systems and how our bodies can react during times of stress actually made sense to him.

He fell asleep a bit easier tonight, for the second night in a row. Still fearful and wondering why his mind wouldn't just let him be, stlll unwilling to tell me what it was that he was seeing and thinking about in his head that frightened him so.

I feel guilty about not being able to just get in bed with him, but when Cap is away, I tend to stay up much later than I should, feeling like I need to be awake to hold down the fort, be on guard and protect the homestead. I go into hyper "on" mode when I am temporarily single parenting and the fatigue often kicks in between 7:30 and 8:00. Sometimes it's visceral, how necessary it feels to extricate myself from the kids whether they are ready for it or not.

Homemade rice crackers

Felicia was very conscientious of First's food allergies and always had rice crackers (as opposed to wheat) for dipping things like chive hummus and crushed pineapple with mint. (She also prepared a vegan version of anything that called for cheese or butter).

At our last class, she made homemade rice crackers because she discovered too late that she didn't have any on hand. Well, Kinder and First loved them (as did everyone there) and so, inspired, I made some this afternoon. A grey skied chilly afternoon just calls for baking.

I worked off of Felicia's non-recipe (she's one of those who dashes things off in the kitchen off the top of her head) and this recipe I got via googling from Mothering magazine's website: http://www.mothering.com/sections/recipes/crackers.html

I used white rice flour, leftover quinoa (instead of rice), olive oil and sesame seeds (instead of flax seeds).

The crackers were yummy...very comforting.

What a great alternative to paying for a package (with its serving of plastic and paper waste) of (highly) processed crackers. The kids were not wild about them (yet), but this is something I will make again and again. The possibilities for varying grains and seasonings, and adding herbs from the garden, are endless. Homemade crackers...something I can truly get behind.

Our garden

I just went around the apartment closing windows. I'm that cold. What erratic weather for mid-June. This picture was not taken today. We had our sweatshirts on over our clothes today.

This morning we went to the garden store on the other side of the parkway. I got great directions from Danielle, who also recommended the place. I loved it. It was another cloudy day and the vibrant and varied colors of the flowering plants, herbs and bushes, as we walked up to the shop, were a satisfying sight.

It was cool to hear the kids name dropping the herbs they are now familiar with. We picked up some basil and a pot and bamboo stakes for our budding bean plants. The tender (yet so powerful!) shoots have burst forth from the dirt in the little peat pot and seemed ready for transplanting (though now I'm worried that it's going to be cold for them tonight, maybe too cold).

Once home I transplanted the beans and planted the basil. I moved the echinacea over next to the agastache so the basil could all be together. I harvested some basil and mint and made some pesto and mint tea. I think a mini-food processor is in my future. It was SO gratifying to be able to use the free chopper (I got from Tupperware when we lived in Plympton and have never had the opportunity to use) for something, anything, but it just ain't cutting it for the pesto (yes it's a pun). I've been carting that chopper around for years... The mint tea was lovely with the new batch of local honey that was in at Terra last week.

The tomatoes are popping out, I think First counted nine on just one of the plants. They're still small and green, but look promising. The beans have been amazing to watch. Felicia said they'd be satisfying because they grow so fast. And next year, strawberries. For sure.

Off to make dinner. How shall I have the pesto...

Female plumbing

A couple of hours ago I felt like I was hit by a truck of tired. I've been a bit more sleep deprived than normal and woke this morning rather abruptly when I registered that my side was getting wet, absorbing rare-these-days pull-up overflow from the bottom of one of my sleeping children.

But, it was fast, this just-let-me-crawl-into-bed-for-a-few-hours feeling that came over me. Not a run-of-the-mill fatigue. And a leftover chocolate birthday cupcake has done little to perk my system up.

Then I remembered, I must have ovulated.

I just started taking Barlean's Essential Woman again after a talk with Anna two weekends ago (during which time we saw Passing Strange at the Public Theater in NYC---highly recommend it). I used to take it religiously, but then, feeling like my PMS was changing, I stopped.

Well, lately, I've noticed that my womanly hormones seem to have shifted again. Now, I feel like I did when I first got pregnant (both times), when I ovulate. Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy. I also have more intense downslides into claustrophobic jaggedy ear-ringing fury. Rescue remedy (Bach's flower essences), which I've always had on hand for the kids, has become a handy remedy for me. Anna reminded me about the effectiveness of evening primrose oil to soothe PMS symptoms, so I started taking the Barlean's, which is a mix of evening primrose and flaxseed oils, again.

It's amazing to feel so connected to the planet as my hormones shift and another egg is released. More often than not, I say with a toss of my head, "I can't wait for menopause so I can be done with all of this". But, I wonder...what will it feel like to have nature unspool the chord that binds, when I have no more biological function to serve?

Felicia's garden

First and I made it to three of the six herb gardening classes that Felicia, a homeschooling mom of two, had in her garden. Kinder joined us for two of those classes because Cap wasn't around to hang with him at home, but it was really "First's" class.

Felicia's garden was inspiring in many ways. She and her family have obviously taken time to design and nurture different areas of the garden. It is truly a haven...you completely forget about the busy street that their house is on when back in the yard. For us, it was about a 40-45 minute drive (actually longer on two of the three trips because I got lost), but that too, would just immediately be forgotten once we walked through the garden gate.

We now have a container garden in our communal backyard. We have chives, lavender, mint, cilantro, bee balm, basil, echinacea, sunflowers, petunias, green beans and tomatoes growing and being clumsily nudged to grow. The cilantro is starting to look wan and slightly ill and the basil is not bursting forth as I imagined it would. Which is unfortunate because the pesto scrambled eggs I fixed for myself last week were AMAZING.

I think many of our leafy friends would rather have more sun than our yard can give them. We'll see how they do. Next year, I'd like to plant strawberries. The class got to sample Felicia's crop this year (planted in a container) and they were yummy.

Another mental experiment I'll be conducting this summer is to see how our mostly organic plants in completely organic soil do compared to Renee's in-ground garden of veggies nurtured by Miracle-Gro.

Felicia is doing a butterfly class which I'm pretty sure First would have dug, but he was not interested and I decided that I wasn't interested in the long drive again...at least not enough to put up more of a fight to try the class. He is looking forward to it again next spring though, my young gardener.

Birth day

Today is First's 7th birthday. It was lovely to wake up in bed with both boys (Cap is in Japan) and start the day unwrapping presents together in bed.

It was a sweet day. Watching the kids play (he invited Owen, Lukas, Anna and Lukas), the very satisfying sushi platter from Whole Foods (cucumber rolls and salmon rolls), lots of Ben 10 toys including the very rare 6 inch Benwolf, a lingering visit with Uncle Takai, Auntie Lisa and Ellie, the cutest almost four month old I know, and now, unencumbered play time. His final gift of the day is that he can choose when to go to bed tonight.

No pics, Cap has the digital camera with him.

I have been watching back-to-back episodes of Freaks and Geeks lately and loving them. Can't wait to see Knocked Up.

Seven, seven, seven...it just feels like the beginning of a new chapter.

Learning at any age

This is the drain in our bathroom sink. It's pretty and it's called "Pegasus". And it's been my on again off again nemesis since we moved in nearly ten months ago. It has been a historically slow to drain drain. I don't remember if it was when we arrived, my guess is probably not.

I've never been learned in many of the practical arts, such as plumbing. So, as the drain became slow, I had to teach myself how to work with this situation and remedy it. I knew I didn't want to go the way of toxic liquid chemicals if I could help it. I tried a non-toxic pressurized declogger and it helped enough for weeks here and weeks there (by draining semi-slowly instead of really slowly). But, it never got to the root of the problem, which could be because I was using it incorrectly,

I discovered that enzyme decloggers work for organic matter, such as food, in kitchen sinks, but weren't recommended for bathroom sinks. I tended to think that the culprits in the bathroom sink were semi-regular showers of facial stubble and therefore would be more than enzymes could handle.

I was, I felt, in the unfortunate position of being the only person in the house who really cared that the sink was slow to drain and so would find myself fuming and glaring at the sink at odd points in the day, directing my pent up frustrations at an inanimate object, in a tiled arena that included a cast of two.

I have believed in the idea of learning as a sideways spiral for a long time...so long that I don't rmember anymore where I first learned about this theory. We learn things through our senses whether it is via seeing, hearing, gestalt, etc. then life continues and we don't necessarily activate that learning for awhile. But, then, the spiral curves around again and what we learned jumps forward and is applied to a new situation and voilá, synthesis, eureka, and then life moves on...

It occurs to me now that the Waldorf way of working with singular academic subject areas at a time (main lesson blocks) while others lie dormant for a period is an expression of this theory.

Today, I put into action something I've been thinking about for awhile. Years ago, I learned from Wendy and Stefan that one can use an untwisted wire hanger to unclog a toilet. That made an impression on me, the MacGyverness of it, using something at hand and simply reworking it into a handy tool. I plucked a wire hanger from the closet, untwisted it, and got to work.

In the end it wasn't the wire hanger that did the trick, but working with it and then going deeper into the process and experimenting that yielded ultimate success. I had conquered the drain and it was sweet victory.

(For some reason, I can't get the drain stopper out of the sink. I've looked under the sink and fiddled around with the stopper with the wire hanger, but have yet to figure out how to remove it. I dug out some very small pieces of gunk with the wire, but no where near what I imagined I would find. In the end, I discovered while manipulating the lever controlling the up and down movement of the drain stopper under the sink, that there was some sort of seal that was forming somewhere beyond the reach of the wire. Maybe the poking around helped, but I think it was the vigorous pumping that broke the seal that then cleared the drain.)

First helped out for awhile and Kinder expressed gratitude though he looked like he didn't understand what the fuss was all about. Life goes on.

Bass, tone, slap

I came to consciousness this morning, early, to the sound of Kinder saying the new rhythm he learned yesterday in drum and movement class. He is our early riser. We're all in the big bed by dawn and Kinder usually wakes quietly, but he is always super alert and "awake" the moment his eyes open. He is, also, irrepressible, which I would have no other way. Typically, he launches right into his thoughts and if he senses that any of us is in any way slightly conscious, he will start verbally riffing on something related to Ben 10.

But, this morning, it was a drum rhythm which consumed him. We had discussed his drum handedness yesterday...actually it was more of me talking to him about what I thought about his drum handedness (that he is ambidextrous with a preference for starting with his left hand). Thoughts percolated and gelled overnight and he elocuted this morning, sitting up amongst the folds and puffs of the apple comforter in the soft early light, stating that he used both his hands to drum.

Energized by the rhythm within him, he hopped out of bed and to the diningroom where his djembe lives and he began to drum. It was 6:15 a.m. I've never seen Cap bolt out of bed so fast...to spare the neighbors on a Saturday morning :-)

P.S. #1 This picture was taken before class began. By the time class gets rolling the drum circle is full of kids.

P.S. #2 I feel like I am living a double life staying up till midnight dropping into the world of "American Gods" and then being pried open, way too early, tumbling into my waking life with kids.

Shop talk

Silke and the kids came over yesterday. I had the chance to talk "shop" with her which was great. I'm still feeling like I'm straddling the two worlds/concepts/opposing forces of "Waldorf" and "unschooling". Going to the Waldorf conference in Fair Oaks while I was in CA definitely renewed my commitment to aspects of Waldorf.

One of the things we talked about was schedules. For me, doing "Waldorf" has been synonymous with working with a schedule. "Rhythm", though not a schedule, per se, is a structure, a form, which for many begins with creating daily/weekly schedules. The problem with that is that I haven't been able to stick to any of the schedules I've concocted for more than a week or so.

Thankfully, I'm past getting down on myself about that. And I'm at a point where I recognize that I need to create form and structure for us via a different method. So I posed the question to Silke, how does one move from the free form which is unpredictably studded with organic teaching and learning moments (what I am experiencing now for the most part) to overlaying more of an academic agenda to things?

As First turns seven this June, I am definitely thinking about how to approach things more formally with him. Yet, simultaneously, he is expressing a resistance to "learning" and "schooling". Silke and I talked about facing and working with our more stubborn children :-) It was one of those moments where I became particularly conscious of the unique pressures and challenges of parenting a home educated child. There's a level of trust and patience we need to have, that our practice of parenting and teaching often do not yield immediate results that can be seen or held.

Something practical which I am putting right into place came out of our conversation: the kids have each chosen a topic to study for May. Kinder chose airplanes and First chose the month of May. Lots of fertile ground.

A day at the zoo

The day before my trip to CA, the kids and I went to the zoo with S, A, and L. It was threatening to rain and a chilly day, but we went for it and had a blast. Personally, I thought it was a nice collection of animals. Wolves, bears, otters, sloths, and barn owls are all animals I particularly love. (And I loved seeing a dray horse for the first time.) These wolves were pretty interested in the kids for awhile, following them around and coming up close. But, soon after, the alpha of the group decided that they were behaving utterly too domesticated and drew them all back.

The squirrel monkeys and two toed sloth lived together. When we came upon them, the sloth was being fed. The monkeys were especially enchanting for the kids and we stayed to watch them as their home was cleaned and the monkeys jumped about. I enjoyed the up close view of the sloth. The video of this encounter reflects the liveliness of the moment much better....

The reptile house is always fun. I remember it was always a cool oasis at the zoo in Sac and on this day it was a warm respite for us after hours spent in the cold damp outdoors (and our private train ride in the woods and along the reservoir :-). I found out later that First was afraid of the large pteradactyl up in the rafters. The tortoises were much more active than the ones that live at the Sac Zoo. Actually, most of the animals we saw that day were very active. This tends to be true on days that are cool and wet.

It looks as though we cornered this peacock, but it was actually hanging out by the buiding, looking into the windows. Spring was in the air as the males were strutting their stuff. It certainly made an impression on the kids that the peacocks were roaming about "free". Though not as big as an impression as...

this fountain. This fountain was the first thing that caught the kids' attention as we entered the zoo. They came back to it as we were walking towards the playground. I don't know if it's just the kids we know and love, or if it has something to do with homeschooling, but they wanted to get into the fountain and explore the water. We talked about the water and the copper flowers and the copper coins...

Kinder commented when he saw the pics, where are the pictures of the playground? Definitely a highlight that is remembered in their hearts and minds...the playground at the zoo.

A trio of movies

On the plane west I watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". Liked it. A decent movie about a decent man.

While away I watched "The Namesake" with B. Liked it a lot and am liking it a bit less since that intial impression. There are some really good things that happened during the course of the film, but overall it was a bit dissatisfying. I love Kal Penn, but felt like he couldn't carry the weight being placed on him. Part of the problem was the sceenplay. It attempted to cover a lot of ground which is simply hard to do well when you're telling the story of two generations in two hours. Still worth renting for fans of anyone involved in the movie, I think. Mira Nair got some moving performances out of her actors and the actors who portrayed the parents (both Bollywood stars, I think), in particular, were wonderful.

On the red-eye back, I couldn't sleep and so watched "The Holiday". Kate Winslet is just dreamy. She could read the proverbial phonebook and I would just sigh and love it. The rest of the movie? If you're ever on a red-eye and need to distract yourself, then this movie can be your friend.

East meets west

I went away for a week and came back to a new craze: sumo slammers. On the show (Ben 10---which, incidentally, they have never watched), Ben's favorite videogame is called "Sumo Slammers". So, of course, there are little sumo slammer action figures "available in stores now". I think they're kind of cute. Last summer, Takai brought back from Japan some card cutouts of sumo wrestlers that came with a dohyou that one could play "sumo" with. They weren't that into it. Fast forward to this spring, mix in the magic ingredient of Ben 10 and they love it. They've been building their own stadia and filling the stands with crowds of aliens.

Waiting for godot...I mean, spring

The nor'easter of 2007 has swept through. What a fickle, confusing, climate change-y spring it has been thus far. Our nature table reflects the stuttered pause we are experiencing. Green still mixed with brown, Easter eggs and popcorn seeds present, but no blossoms yet for the vase (from Ojiichan's collection).


The snail shells (barely visible in the nature table picture) are from the Raymond garden, collected during a soil turning. It felt great working the dirt with Will and Karen. I was mesmerized by these shells, their color, their wholeness, so much better preserved in a pretty form than the many sea shells that I've found in my day. I've been tossing thoughts around my head about how to approach gardening this spring/summer and have settled on growing herbs in pots. I'll be taking a class given by a homeschooler on how to grow herbs and then use them in cooking.

I've been working on our taxes for the past three days and am nearly done. Cap'll give them a final double check and then we just have to sign them and get them in the mail tomorrow. It was the first time in over a decade that I've done the tax paperwork (I took over the household finances about a year ago) and I underestimated how grueling a process it would be. I'm thinking of going for a "tax neck" adjustment with Dr. Jayne tomorrow. Especially since I'll be flying cross-country on Wednesday for my trip to California.

All about my mother

Great flick. Cap didn't like it as much as I did. I loved the colors and designs of the textiles: on the women, on the walls, in the kitchens, etc. It was sad, intimate, dramatic, deliberately orchestrated and well structured. But, completely accessible at all times on a frequency that felt unique yet familiar. In Spanish, directed by Pedro Almodovar.

New pics

...have been added to Knex, The egg has dropped and Money matters in Dec '06 and Peaches in winter in Jan '07.

It crept up on me

...today marks one year since I started this blog.



(on Mummu's beach last weekend)

Children of men

Intense. So well done. The scariest movie I've watched in a long time. Clive was yummy, but honestly, there was little time to even think about that. Barb will need her remote in hand for this one, although there's a scene of violence that comes so quick the remote would be of no help.

Unlike The Departed, I think this movie will hold up to any level of hype or expectation. We both loved it. Our hats are off to Alfonso Cuarón.

Sick day

First spent Thursday running to the bathroom periodically, unable to keep anything solid in his body for more than an hour. We made popsicles out of apple and pomegranate-cranberry juices. He amazes me with his calmness when sick. He takes it in stride. We watched our first ever episode of Spongebob. He thought the slapstick was hilarious. Kinder was under the table with a zabuton pulled up to just under his eyes. He doesn't trust screen images not to terrify him unexpectedly.

First and I also started James and the Giant Peach together, snuggled in bed. He was very resistant, but then listened quietly once I started. I'm not sure we'll continue. He is on a cusp of reaching for new independence and growth, but he's not a big reader of traditional books. He loves to read comic books.


Sometime in the afternoon, I came upon Kinder bustling about in the kitchen making "Ghostfreak" lemonade. As I helped him slice the lemon in half I felt like I was seeing myself as a child. I was often afraid of getting hurt and he is very much like that, letting his anchor hand pop off the lemon thinking he was about to cut himself though my hand was firmly guiding his slicing hand.

He spent some time looking for our red (go Carp!) plastic bullhorn and I soon discovered he wanted to use it as a funnel to get the lemon juice from the bowl into the old apple juice container. He wrote/drew up a "how to" for making Ghostfreak lemonade and taped it onto the container (a large Apple and Eve bottle for about a cup of lemonade :-) By then the finished lemonade was in a measuring cup with a lip so he poured it in gently, capped it, priced it ($4.99), and put it in the Ben 10 store.

I talked him down to $2.50 and had a lovely glass of fresh lemonade. Which he shot on digital video.

Mummu's beach

I love Mummu's beach. It's not big, crushed in on both sides by "private" beaches, but it holds a lot of memories. Cap and I spent many an hour there pre-children being one with the sound of the surf once the rays were slanted and the 10-3 danger zone was passed.

I prefer the beach off-season. I don't like crowds and my favorite thing to do on a beach is to look for shells and sea glass.

We've been to Mummu's beach with the kids in all seasons and I feel lucky to be attached to this particular slice of nature. We went last weekend after saying our good-byes to Mummu (not a beach bum that one). It was the perfect coda to a day that included cooking and dying eggs, lunch from Seafood Sam's (my first lobster roll of the season - yum), figuring out and fixing the leaking fridge and being together within the waiting and wondering that has defined so much of the last six months.

First diligently dug a small but deep hole (not to China, but that's exactly what it looked and felt like), we watched two seemingly innocuous but utterly mystifying black vessels that almost looked organic move silently and quickly across the water just under the horizon (Cap thought they were subs), I delighted in the shells that were washing up so distinctly different from the summer shells, and Kinder got his feet wet, socks and shoes and all because he is not always careful, he simply is, which is something I treasure about him.

Dying eggs

We cooked our own vegetable dyes this year. We used the dry brown outer layers of onion skin, turmeric, beets and red cabbage. The dark burgundy tone is from the onion skins, the mustardy golden rod color is from the turmeric. The red cabbage produced a pale, pale blue with marbling effect (the eggs were wrapped in the cabbage leaves and then bound up with rubber bands). The beets, Kinder was inspired in the produce aisle by them, resulted in a barely there wash of dull red-brown. The cabbage egg can be seen in the single egg holder in the back on the left.

It was fun to create and observe the alchemy. The kids were not into participating very much (we were at Mummu's and they were immersed in drawing), but when asked at the end of the weekend, First expressed his preference of these eggs over the ones that he painted with Karen and the kids on Sunday, a project he called the shots on from step one (he really wanted to paint eggs, the eggs had to be white, etc.)

I like to think he was irresistably drawn to the undeniable earthy and grounding quality of these Easter eggs symbolizing the arrival of Spring. (Thanks to Olivia for the use of her bunny bowl.)

Thanks also to Mummu for connecting with the story Rechenka's Eggs by Patricia Polacco and reading it to the boys.

It does pay forward

We went to Fiber Arts today. I struck a deal with the kids. We would go to FA and stay till 3:30 and afterwards, I would take them to Toys R Us where they would buy, with their own money, some Ben 10 toys (a nearly weekly ritual anyway).

The kids felt very shy. I have been inconsistent with attending FA and though the kids are fairly familiar with the FA crew, we were at Kate's house for the first time today. Ada really set the stage when she offered them candy from her Easter basket. Kinder enjoyed what may have been his first ever peanut butter cup and First was grateful and excited by the whole roll of Smarties that came his way.

Kinder perked up, between the candy, Curious George book we read, and the pretzels and cookies that were on the snack table. He is more social than First and he quickly became involved in taking turns on the treadmill with a bunch of kids and then playing with legos with Elliott. And he wove one row of his potholder.

First stayed close to my side as I fingerknit the long jump rope I am working on. He spotted a puzzle that he had just seen at Will and Olivia's this weekend and he worked on that. It was nice to see him build up to feeling comfortable asking Kate things like where the clock was in the kitchen (he was keeping an eye on the time like nobody's business).

My favorite moment was having my hair sprinkled with glitter by Ada.

After two pleasant hours, it was time to go. I left without my bag, which I discovered as we got out of the car at Toys R Us, so we ended up having one of those cozy late afternoon rides in the car where it's cold outside but toasty inside from the slanting rays of the sun. Kinder fell asleep for awhile. It was an additional hour to go back to Kate's and then back to TRU.

Fate was smiling though because as the kids wrestled with the question of what to do because they only found one toy (4 inch Four Arms) that either of them wanted, I happened to spot across the aisle, in completely the wrong location, a small batch of toys. Among them, a 4 inch Heat Blast, also much coveted.

At the register, as I pulled out First's twenty from my wallet, he said he would pay for Kinder's toy, too. Kinder piped up quickly, "thank you", I swooped in for a hug and a kiss and a compliment, and in my heart, I thanked Ada for her candy generosity earlier in the day. It was lovely to witness the linking of such simple and soulful acts of giving.

Catching up

• Danielle said yesterday, "what were the chances that four kids who like repackaging Ben 10 toys with their own alternate Ben 10 creations, with the zeal that these guys have for it, would be brought together at just the right time in life?"

• J.R. and Pam have been in town since Friday and will be in the area for a few weeks working Home Depot contractor service shows. As usual, it's been wonderful having them around. It's been a particularly yummy food time that they've inspired: Thai curry with homemade panko crusted chicken cutlets one dinner, cold sesame noodles and collard greens one lunch, and one of my ultimate comfort foods, spaghetti with meat sauce, a deluxe salad and corn bread last night. It's always a treat for me to make a salad since I only do it when we have company (Cap does not eat salad and it's hard to get through a great salad solo without it going bad.)

Seeing and hearing the kids play with J.R. reminds me of playing with You-niichan when I was little. He was younger than my parents, a single company man, I think, and he would play with Sandy and me for what seemed like hours letting us climb all over him. We were always so happy to see him.

Pam and J.R. treated us to books at the bookstore where I had gotten them their birthday presents back in January. We all walked up to the bookstore and spent a leisurely time poring over books and cards. I've actually started fantasizing about working at this bookstore because I love it so much. Kinder got a Spiderman book, First a dot-to-dot, Pam some nice cards, J.R. a book about Spain, and I picked out Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie for Cap and Neil Gaiman's American Gods for myself. I had a Jodi Picoult book in my hands for awhile because I am intrigued by her, but I am also repulsed by the rate at which she seems to crank out books. I don't trust that there will be enough...depth?

• On Sunday, we celebrated my dad's 70th birthday with my side of the family up at Mohonk. My parents used to take us there around the Christmas holidays when we were kids. It's a beautiful Victorian hotel nestled in a mountain with numerous hiking trails, a lake, gardens, an ice rink and these cute little wooden resting huts and gazebos scattered about the grounds and trails. We had brunch (First loved the breakfast sausage and Kinder the bagels, jello and mini key lime tartlets) and also did a lot of walking, rock climbing, looking at the rainbow trout in the lake, skating, and communing with each other. It was amazing being there with my family again and also being there with Cap, Kinder and First.

• On his actual birthday, my dad came over for his first visit to our place. Cap picked him up at the train station and then drove him up to the Uni to show him around up there. The kids played with him indoors and out. We had Red soup (purée of beets, carrots, chicken stock and miso), sautéed cabbage, hummus and a little birthday cake---featherlight yellow cake (from one of Bette Hagman's GF books) with powdered sugar and lingonberry preserves on top. The kids and I are really into lingonberry these days. We ended our visit with some time out in the backyard shooting hoops. A beautiful spring afternoon.

• Saw Mean Girls on tv the other day. I was pleasantly surprised by Lindsay Lohan's screen presence.

• We lost the gift of HBO for one day, but it has returned. I'm still keeping in mind that it could go away again at any time. I'm enjoying Real Time with Bill Maher these days. And am planning on catching the final episodes of The Sopranos and the new episodes of Entourage.

• Ashley Judd was luminous in Come Early Morning.

• I was psyched for the return of The Shield last night.

• I just love Hugh Laurie in House.

• Was a little blue, a lot tired, and quite "shut" last week. When I got my period on Sunday, I thought, "oh PMS". I'm giving up on ever having it be second nature to know PMS when I see it.

• I think I'm about to abandon Middlesex for the second time.

• Our get togethers with Anna, Lukas and Silke are becoming regular on Tuesday afternoons. Nice.

• Egypt Day is Thursday. The kids will make a posterboard about Egyptian currency. I'm making an Egyptian Foul (bean dip). We'll see if the kids help in the making of it. I was in the new Whole Foods yesterday picking up some ingredients. I hadn't been there in awhile, but had other errands at Staples and The Rag Shop right next door. It is really a nice store and experience, huge as it is.

• I posted to the Watercooler for the first time yesterday asking for recs for a notary public. I got many nice responses and found out the library has some notaries on staff and that the bank should notarize, even if it isn't official bank business.

• We're seeing Lucia and Holly today. Haven't seem them in ages. No picnic as hoped it's going to be rainy and in the thirties!

• We're picking up an African drum for Kinder today. We're getting a good deal through his drumming teacher.

• I researched and bought two subscriptions for the Symphony for the 2007-2008 season. They are incredibly reasonable. ($8 per ticket for the family series and $11 per ticket for the Sat night series for me and Cap) The best part though, was doing something which will expand our experience where we are and knowing we'll be here to do it even though it's "next" year. I also thought of my grandfather who loved classical music.

• I need to do our taxes! The first time in ages that I'll be handling taxes since Cap handed over our finances to me last spring.

• Cap did not get the Japan Foundation grant. He is still hoping to get to Japan for a couple of weeks this summer to do some research so he can publish pieces of his dissertation supplemented with new data. Our credit card foundaton will fund his travels.

• This means a summer here lies in wait for us and I can begin imagining.... Danielle and I talked yesterday of weekly outings to their lake place where they have a membership. (I think a dreaded bathing suit buying excursion may be in my future.)

• We will be at Karen and Brent's this weekend. Turns out Karen and I have been in Easter baskets overdrive, independent of each other (me in The Rag Shop yesterday: "ooh, First can eat these bright yellow rabbit "peeps"!). Like two peas in a pod...

We'll be spending Saturday afternoon with Mummu who is still in limbo in terms of her heart surgery. At this point it is the surgeon's office which is lagging in their scheduling. The new health insurance is on track and she has an appointment with a potential new PCP. But on Saturday, we'll enjoy Seafood Sam's and other springly delights.

We'll also see Jake and Evie and some other folks at a small Easter brunch on Sunday. It'll be good to see them and the house. Hopefully, we'll squeeze Jamie in there, too, if the timing works out.

• Ebs and Victor are due to have their baby later this month, Edith and Stephen had their baby, James, on the last day of February, Ellen and Jen are due to have twins in a couple of months, Ben just got his first post-Ph.D. job at SUNY New Paltz (we found out the morning we left for our day trip there) and Anna is suddenly in the position of traveling to and from interviews after waiting so long (bless her heart which has needed to be so strong this winter).

• I am looking forward to some solo travel again. I'll be in Oakland and Sacramento in a couple of weeks.

The Prestige

Wow. I can't remember the last time I saw a movie that had me buzzing and wanting to talk about it to sort it out immediately after seeing it. It felt a little long at times, but boy, the payoff is HUGE. I am considering watching it again tonight to revel in the nuances that I am convinced are there for the enjoying...

Snow play and seashells

Kinder woke with a belly ache, but he has soldiered on.

After breakfast and some carpet sweeping we bundled up and ventured outside to the back yard. What a gorgeous snowscape. Bright, bright sun, forties, crisp air. We marveled over some animal tracks including a mysterious single deer track. The kids played with with their Ben 10 toys briefly, but then it was snow biking for First and cuddling for Kinder who wore out quickly and wanted to go back inside.

On our way back in First spent some time in the snow fort he built yesterday with Cap. Kinder and I rocked on the front porch while I had visions of summertime lunches sititng on the porch, looking out on Chestnut Street. First wanted to saw a window into the fort and then wanted to move some furniture in. Some snow bookshelves, he said.

We came inside and sorted and identified some of the many seashells I brought back from Florida. Olive shells, moon shells, worm shells, Venus sunrays... Kinder's got the quick eye for this sort of thing, I noticed. Then we drew our favorite shells. Auger for me, top shell for First and giant heart cockle for Kinder. I read them a poem by Federico García Lorca from Caroline Kennedy's book, "A Family of Poems". (The paintings are by Jon J. Muth whose work I love.)

Seashell (To Natalia Jiménez)

Someone brought me a seashell.

Singing inside
is a sea from a map.
My heart
fills up with water
and little tiny fish,
silvery, shadowy.

Someone brought me a seashell.

Soup

I made some soup this morning. I've resumed making chicken stock about once a month, using the recipe in Nourishing Traditions. Liquid gold, the stuff is.

Today I had an aging cauliflower and some potatoes and carrots that were similarly past their prime. The last onion and four mondo cloves of garlic started the melange. I was a little sad that we were out of fresh ginger. The kids and I, particularly Kinder, are stuffy and sniffly.

I've discovered that I am good at making soup (my other specialty being eggs). I enjoy making it and eating it. And I especially like smelling it as the aroma fills the apartment.

As I sipped some for lunch, a rare lunch alone as the kids played intensely with Lukas and Owen, I thought about my soup and realized that more than anything else that I cook, soup has a hold on me. I take my soup personally. I'm like a proud parent and am protective about how my soup is perceived, how it is enjoyed, and by whom.

Idiocracy

It was funny. Not an excellent movie, but a perfect movie for a steady stream of giggles when you're too tired to do much of anything else.

Dax Shepard did a great job of making a charcter who is essentially, truly, stupid, somehow interesting, in a humane way.

Back in the saddle

I took a vacation, solo, to St. Petersburg to visit Wendy and her family. Stefan's parents were also visiting from Germany and it was a lot of fun and great to meet them. Highlights were playing with Sophia (Olivia, accesories, and Ian; you must pay the rent) and going out to Shell Island on Julie's boat. It was meditative and heavenly to be able to go up and down the beach looking for shells, the clear, relatively warm, gentle salt water licking at my ankles.

I read The History of Love while I was away and loved it. I started The Seven Year Old Wonder Book while there and am on the fence about it. It's a popular book to read to your soon-to-be seven/seven year old in some Waldorf circles. I'm going to read some more before I decided whether to read it with First. I picked up The Time Traveller's Wife for the plane ride home and am reading it now, enjoying it (this is a book that has been recommended to me by Jamie and someone else, I can't remember who).

I looked at the cd of photos that Stefan burned for me last night. A wonderful collection and memento. However, I was embarrassed by how heavy I looked, over and over again. I asked for and got many hugs from Cap afterwards. It's so strange that I don't feel like a "fat" person or see myself as one. But, there was no denying it in those pics.

We stopped in for dinner with Lisa, Sara (Lisa's mom) and Ellie on our way home from the airport. Momoko (my cousin) joined us. It was a nice visit. Sara is warm and effusive. Lisa and Ellie are a wonder to see. Baxter might have taken the cake though. He has very naturally taken on the role of brother and protector with Ellie. It's incredible to think that it hasn't even been a year since he joined Takai and Lisa.

Before I left for Florida, I spent two days working on organizing the kids' work area, which we also call the homeschooling area. It's comprised of the dining table and three shelves. One shelf is full of puzzles and games, another is full of all the stuff that comes in handy to make stuff :-), and the third is sectioned and labeled by subject, and full of learning materials.

Curious George is over and I ended up talking to Sandy on the phone for a few minutes. So I end here for now.

Waldorf and unschooling

I spoke to Karen on the phone this morning.

Olivia was transforming herself with each new t-shirt she was pulling on one over the next, Will strumming on his guitar, Kinder was mixing up water, soap and Sambucol in his new "test tube" (a small soft plastic tube container which has since warped in the microwave during the heating part of the experiment) and First was surfing around the U. S. Mint website where he discovered that gold coins with portraits of "first spouses" will be minted starting this year.

Karen and Brent are preparing to officially begin homeschooling soon. Very exciting.

As our conversation danced and dipped, a thought crystallized for me. A way of making some sense of some of the stuff I've been grappling with recently. I'm attracted to and inspired by two different "schools" of education: Waldorf and unschooling. At the moment I am feeling pulled by the two, but have been unable to put them together..to unify them in a way that feels smooth, day in and day out. Kind of an oil and water thing, though I don't think that's because of anything inherent to the philosophies.

Karen gets me because she is like me in a lot of ways. It's not unusual for us to be in our pajamas past noon. If we could, we'd be snuggled on a couch with a book in hand, our partners bringing us tea with honey, our kids playing around us, all day on a Saturday...or maybe even the whole weekend. Inspiration will suddenly hit us, a specific vision of a particular dish burned in our brains and we will spend the rest of the day shopping for ingredients, chopping and cutting and mixing and stirring, inhaling the luscious aromas and basking.

So, as we talked about meeting other homeschoolers, about group dynamics, about differing personalities, and about fearing rejection and wanting acceptance (for our kids more than for ourselves), I realized something. As I said to Karen, I re-remembered and re-embraced one of the main reasons I wanted to homeschool in the first place: to be at home with my kids.

I like being home and the kids do, too. I think Waldorf thought and practice strongly supports this which is what attracts me to it. It's not only okay, but desireable to spend a lot of time at home, making your home together. Cooking, baking, the arts, the rhythm of the day, of the week, of the season, of the year...to pay attention to these things and to hold them in reverence is something which means a lot to me, not only as a mom, but as a person.

What has drawn me to unschooling thus far, is the people I've met. The unschooling moms I've met since being here are warm, intelligent, enthusiastic and completely lovable. It has been so easy to spend time with them. And the kids are friendly, imaginative and exuberant. The electric undercurrent of no holds barred conversation, play and possibility (that also feels completely safe) at Fiber Arts is intoxicating to me. (Fiber Arts is not limited to unschoolers, but the core group happens to be comprised of them.)

I am both thrilled and cowed by the sheer number of activities that are available to us, that many of our homeschooling friends seem to do: ice sakting, swimming, bowling, regular field trips to the zoo, museums, etc.

For me, the gaps that need to be bridged come in two areas. One is time at home vs. time with others/outside of home and the other has to do with structure, schedules, freedom, and fluidity...

Balance, moderation, discipline...these are all qualities that I recognize as being important, but they don't come easily or naturally to me. I think I've spent some time trying to be more of these things, and feeling badly about myself as a parent because I just couldn't be more like "that". I feel these qualities come in handy when following Waldorf pedagogy.

I'm grateful to be feeling some relief and new energy in reconfiguring my approach (I have always considered myself an eclectic homeschooler and am renweing my connection to that identity). I think I am going to go directly to Donna's site and buy the audio download on Waldorf homeschooling and unschooling. It feels good to allow myself more freedom in truly figuring out what my style is and to give myself the time and space to do that without freaking out that my kids aren't "doing" anything.

As I've been blogging, Kinder has been continuing with his water experiments, moving onto the experiments from the book I Get Wet by Vicki Cobb (thanks Mummu!) and First drew a wonderfully vibrant abstract drawing ("Äiti, doesn't it look like Van Gogh?") for the musuem which still has its wall exhibits up in the living room. He made two color copies, one for Ellie who they will meet for the first time tomorrow, and one for Jiji, whose b-day package I am getting ready a little early.

I love this life of ours and feel hugely lucky.

Bridge to terabithia and the departed

On Saturday I was lucky enough to take Elsa to see Bridge to Terabithia. I was familiar with the title although I had never read the book. When I was at Pierce, the sixth graders were reading it. I knew something sad happened, but was not prepared for the tragic event which sent an audible gasp through the theater audience. Elsa and I both cried on and off for the last quarter of the movie. It was well done, nicely acted (I particularly liked the boy actor) and good family fare bearing in mind the intense emotional impact it will most likely have for any kid who sees it.

Last night I watched The Departed at home, in chunks (along with The Amazing Race and Extras). I'm going to make an effort to rewatch it with Cap who decided he wants to see it after all. In a nutshell, I wasn't particularly impressed. My expectations were high. Leonardo DiCaprio was very good, Matt Damon was solid (but not his best work in my opinion). Mark Wahlberg, as usual, rocked, in a smaller part. I thought the "ode to Boston" aspect was weak. It was fun to see Boston on film, but I didn't feel like the movie deepened Boston for me. I remember being much more thrilled by Goodfellas back when I saw that (though, to be fair, I saw that in a theater in Japan---a special occasion unto itself). More recently, I think Mystic River made better cinematic use of Boston as a "character" and setting, as well.

Presidents day party

First decided he wanted to throw a presidents day party. He was the idea man and suggestions needed to go through him for approval. The party was today so that Anna, Elsa and Tobias could be invited and present before heading back to W-town after our already planned weekend visit.

The party started at 10:50 am. Kids and adults busied themselves with various activities and noshing.

• a 500 piece puzzle of a one dollar bill borrowed from Owen and Lukas (Baba and I could be found there for much of the party)

• a Lincoln logs and kapla blocks building area

• a donation bin where First was accepting bills and coins with either Washington or Lincoln on them

• 24 piece puzzles of a five dollar bill, penny and quarter made by Kinder and First

• Tobias' throw a coin over the river game

• the 50 state quarters computer game

• a book area with books from our own collection and the library with books about money, presidents and Washington D.C.

• the food was primarily brown/orange or green in keeping with the more powerful theme of the party: money

• lettuce, celery, carrots, veggie chips, hummus, guacamole, peanut butter, pretzels, hot dogs ("Lincoln logs"), mini meatloaf muffins ("oversized pennies"), cherries and chestnuts

• a spice cake frosted with white frosting and decorated with green sprinkles to look like a dollar bill

We ended up out back for sledding and snowboarding on the slick, hard packed snow. The kids received new Washington dollar coins as a favor. It was a lot of fun.

First had a good time though it was hard for him to face the unexpected (for him...inevitable in my mind) modifications to the plans and vision he had in his head. For example, he really didn't want Tobias to set up the game he had thought up on his own. In the end, First joined the kids to play it, but his stubbornness around it was intense.

We have been very busy lately and I'm looking forward to a quiet week. I just saw that Fiber Arts is cancelled tomorrow and am not going make other plans.

Our visit with Anna and the kids was special. There is such an amazing closeness that we share despite having lived all of the kids' lives so far apart. The children are true cousins.

xoxoxo

Icy snow skittering against the windows. Our first real snow storm in Montclair, though it's truly more of an ice storm at this point.

The kids and I made Cap's valentines in our pajamas around the table this morning as the world outside turned whiter and Cap snoozed cocooned in bed.

I found my valentine in the kitchen wrapped in pink tissue...my sweetie MADE me truffles. He's the best. Apricot, lingonberry, hazelnut chocolate cream and chestnut cream. Yummmmmm.

The four of us in bed unwrapping gifts and reading cards, marveling at artwork. Chocolate and red hearts and Grey Matter all the rage this Valentine's Day.

I think the kids would have eaten their chocolate bars down to the final licks off of fingers if we had let them, while playing Kid Pix before breakfast.

Elling

A wonderful Norwegian movie. Warm, insightful, moving, funny, realistic and magical, smart.... It's about a man who is about 50 and who has some special needs and what happens to him after his mother, who he had lived with his whole life, dies.

I thought it might be interesting to watch this back-to-back with Mozart and the Whale because that's about adults with disabilities, too, but these two movies were like apples and oranges. I liked them both, but would choose Elling over the other, hands down.

Thanks to Eleanor...I think she sent out a note about Elling via Netflix.

Museum

Danielle and co. came over for dinner last night. It was really nice to spend time both families together. Cap made Japanese curry with katsu-style chicken cutlets and baked cardomom pears drizzled with chocolate. Yum.

First and Kinder had the opportunity to expand on their Museum with the joyful cooperation of Owen and Lukas. The result? We adults were treated to:

• a model building area complete with models sculpted of modeling clay and a set of blocks with which to either copy the models or make our own

• a gallery of masterpieces, two paintings drawn by Kinder, one of which was his rendition of "Starry, Starry Night"

• a drawing by First which was taped onto a frame he made out of K-nex

• a massive gallery of drawings done by all the kids depicting the many characters from the Ben 10 series which our guys have never seen, but are becoming ardent devotees of nonetheless

• a maps and shapes section which included a map of China and Australia and a map of North America complete with the U.S., Canada, Mexico and Greenland drawn by First

We did not have to pay to visit the Museum, but this privilege was forever revoked when each of us parents failed to buy anything from the Museum gift shop. The kids have formed a club like conglomerate called Kid Life and they actually have a joint fund going for the group.

Odds and ends

It's windy out today. I feel like a hibernating bear though I'm not burning as many calories as they do.

• Yesterday we wet-on-wet painted some sheets of paper with red watercolor paint. Today we will make some valentines.

• New Zealand Day at the Paterson Museum monthly gathering sounded like it was a success. The next Country Day will be in March and the country to learn about is Egypt. Cap is going to work with the kids on something since he's been doing geography stuff with them. Everyone picks an aspect of the country to put together a presentation on and also chooses a traditional food to bring. First is very excited about the June country: Madagascar.

• I am getting together some materials and ideas to start a Math block next week. I'll introduce them to Cuisinaire rods and we'll continue playing games and doing activities involving counting, sorting, categorizing, patterns, etc. On the shopping list for this weekend: a good set of wooden blocks with cones, cylinders, and various prism shapes. Our set got left behind in California...

• Waldorf-inspired group get together yielded one guest. Marla and I had a nice time chatting and her adorable kids enjoyed playing with Kinder. First was a bit socially awkward and was intense and rigid about wanting us to buy some of the items he had for sale in his store. Marla ended up buying two things willingly (I hope) which helped. Part of my characterization of him has to do with my own unwillingness to fully support his endeavor (you don't invite people over to your house and then try to make money off them if that's not the intention of the gathering). Anyway, it ended up being a nice afternoon and I came away with two important realizations: 1) I really need to cut down on the time the kids spend watching tv (Marla put it so well: "I want my kids' minds to be their own"); and 2) I want to involve myself with homeschoolers with kids who are 5 or older for the kinds of activities I have in mind. It's not actually the content of the activities that would be different so much as the developmental thrusts of the language and thinking and actions that the kids would display and be inspired by that would be different.

• I am thinking about how to form some sort of co-op for homeschoolers to pool resources and give kids the opportunity for multi-age group learning in specific topic or subject areas. I know I could start up a Japanese language class...maybe I will.

• First is planning a President's Day party. He has an interest in presidents that is an off-shoot of his love of money. He slowly flipped through Ingri and Edgar Parin d'Aulaire's book, "Abraham Lincoln", the other day and seemed ultimately disappointed that there wasn't any mention of Lincoln's being on the penny or five dollar bill. Other than the outdated illustrated depictions of black people, it's a great book with a lot of information simply presented, but without talking down to kids. I have a feeling that First is going to come back to the book.

• Tonight Silke and her kids will come over for dinner before we all head out to a performance that the Newark Boys' Choir will be giving at a local elementary school. I'm looking forward to it except that the kids have been awake since about 5:00 am and may very well be basket cases by curtain time. The brown rice is in the rice cooker, the teriyaki chicken marinating in the fridge, the spinach and tofu made and the broccoli steamed. I may make latkes too. And Kinder and I may bake some corn bread. It's been one of those meals where I couldn't decide what I wanted to make so I'm making everything :-) They are bringing a German sweet of pitted cherries in sugar syrup that we are all eager to try.