Morning has broken

Last night the facade cracked and my tears washed away the coats of denial and stiff upper lip and brought relief. Basically, I unmasked my sadness and let myself feel it. Wise Julia says it must have been time. Wise Barbra says being in touch with my feelings is a good place to start. Las tnight, in the throes of my despair, I could hear wise Judy saying if Momma ain't happy, then ain't no one happy.

As I lay in my bed, eyes wide open at 2:00 am this morning, I vowed to reconnect with my two boys and spend the day WITH them, not around them, not on the periphery.

We were out of bed before 7:00 (should help me stick to another vow, to start going to bed at 10:00. What's the point of being a grumpy, irritable, stay-at-home, homeschooling mom? I still love me my Jon Stewart, but I need more sleep!)

One of the first things First said this morning was that he wanted to be absent from homeschool.

We stuck to the getting dressed and making beds routine. I explained that we needed to have a loose deal of agreeing to each other's requests. His request was that he get to check out the rest of the Knex toys on Amazon (we had started that a couple of days ago).

They helped sort the laundry and I got the wash going.

Breakfast of Peanut Butter Panda Puffs and soy milk.

We went on a walk. I explained that I'd heard of a bakery that baked gluten-free items sometimes. We agreed to check it out. We ran into Danielle and checked out how the kitchen renovation is coming along. We walked to the Montclair Bread Company. It's about seven blocks away from the house. We saw where the stream from Rand Park (2 blocks from our house) ends up, a much stronger stream near the bakery.

The bakery was a revelation.

http://www.thebreadcompany.com/breadco/main.htm

First chose chocolate chip cookies, Kinder chose hot cross buns, I chose leek and lentil soup. On our way home, First suggested we sit in Rand Park and eat. Which we did. On our walk home, we noticed knots in trees which had been one of the answers to one of the riddles we read out of our riddle book at the end of breakfast.

"It's between heaven and earth and is not on a tree,
In this riddle I have told you, but you can't tell me."

Once home we continued with the wash. We made our Weather Tree (from the Christopherus First Grade Curriculum). The kids played some. We ate a lunch of leftovers and the yummy leek and lentil soup.

I talked to Jay.

The kids and I went out to the backyard for some time outside. I started flipping through Roots, Shoots, Bucket and Boots and loved what I saw. First climbed what he could of the Japanese Maple and then asked for help relocating the spider with the very ong, skinny legs. Kinder sent Ginger (his stuffed animal cat) up and down the slide. The mosquitoes and their bites became a distraction.

I talked to Sandy.

The kids' comforter covers arrived. I ripped open the boxes on the porch and tossed them into the wash. Yellow for First, rose for Kinder.

The kids played some more while I made some nikujaga (a Japanese meat and potatoes dish that is so simple and out of this world).

I talked to Julia while I cooked.

Today was a day that had me coming in and out the door frequently (the washing machine is in the basement, no access through the inside of the house). Every time I left, I worked on the traditional Japanese phrases: "ittekimasu" (I'm leaving) / "itterasshai" (Go) and "tadaima" (Just got back) / "okaerinasai" (Welcome back). It never fails to delight my ears to hear them say something in Japanese.

Kinder tonight at dinner: "oh, only one piece of nikujaga this time" (after eating the one piece of meat that came in his second helping and digging around the potatoes searching for more---the correct way would have been to say one piece of "niku" (meat) but I didn't care---it was so cute).

The day felt longer, it felt way more relaxed. The kids weren't getting into tiffs. I think part of that was that they weren't being left to their own "free" play for as long as usual. I actually kissed them good morning this morning. There was more eye contact, especially from First.

What a relief.

Now they're in bed snuggled under their new back-in-the-northeast down comforters. Chatting about the comics and movies they will write.

Late afternoon saw me at the computer doing work for my online course, Cap took the kids to the comic book store in Nutley (Kinder is into The Human Torch from Fantastic Four and Spiderman. First is into Uncle Scrooge, Donald Duck's uncle). They picked up some groceries for our healing-from-surgery downstairs neighbor and then sprawled out on the livingroom couch reading today's purchases.

Cap's now at work till 11:00. I need to make some calls to coordinate whose coming over when to visit with Jay and Lily who will be here tomorrow for an overnight from Boston. Then, The Office and Grey's Anatomy.

It's a start

Sometime over the weekend I realized I would start up the "Happy Little Homeschool" on Monday (today). A small, rosy, interior light just went on and I was ready. Were my verses memorized? No. Do we have a blackboard yet? No. Did any of the scissors other than the kitchen scissors make the move to NJ with us? Don't know, but it's looking unlikely.

What was so obvious hadn't quite hit me the right way (I guess). The kids need to start. They need a sense of closure to the summer, our big summer of chaos and transition.

Yesterday I drafted a schedule, which First really wanted. He was surprised and a bit dismayed that he didn't get any Free Play until late afternoon. Well, that's first grade for you.

Here's the schedule:

• Wake Up

• Get dressed.

• Make beds.

• Breakfast.

• Brush teeth.

• Take walk (we walked to Edgemont Park for the first time---there's a pond, playground, geese, ducks and what appeared to be a cormorant-like bird, a monument to Montclair war dead, two baseball fields....).

• Circle (this was lots of fun---the highlight for me was singing a Japanese song, "Ookina taiko/chiisana taiko" [Big drum/little drum], and banging on the big and small taiko that Cap made in Sacramento.

• Form Drawing/Drawing (First began a Form Drawing block and Kinder worked on filling his whole picture with color).

• Snack (apple sauce and peanuts---First wanted to know if this would be the regular snack on Mondays, this kind of consistent "rhythm" being something which they are used to from their time in Waldorf settings).

• Wash Snack Dishes.

• Recorder/Free Play (First and I did some warm-up clapping exercises and then explored making different sounds with our recorders---Kinder had Free Play in his room).

• Read Aloud (I had wanted Cap to pick the book, so that he'd be with us in spirit, but he didn't get around to choosing one, so I ended up picking Finn Family Moomintroll on the fly).

• Make Lunch (I ended up letting them play and made lunch by myself---I gave First the option to help with lunch, but he went with Free Play :-)

• Lunch.

• Quiet Time (they were a bit wild after lunch---unusually quiet during lunch---so I had Kinder choose a book and we read on the couch---Appelmando's Dream by Patricia Polacco. Then they brought quiet toys and books into their beds for Quiet Time---this is where we are in the schedule as I type. First came out at about the 30 minute mark but has settled back after a couple of pleas to stay with me).

• Errands (library to renew some books and the craft stores for scissors, among other things :-)

• Snack.

• Craft Activity (cut leaves for Weather Tree).

• Outdoor Play (the backyard today).

• Free Play/Clean Up Toys (while I make dinner).

• Dinner.

• Bath.

• Bedtime Stories.

• Brush Teeth.

• Bedtime.

Now, for some pleasure reading time for myself. Oh, I'm distracted by the sound of the UPS truck pulling away. I think we have a package!

Oh boy

Things came to an abrupt halt today. I was making a shopping list, organizing my larger list into three smaller ones by store: the craft store, the art supply store and Target. Cap asked a question about money and things got tense. But, then, it became evident that it was time to push aside the algae and really look at ourselves in the waters of reality. And we were able to do that, which was good. Because, oh boy, money has historically been a big trigger of stress for us.

The transition and chaos of moving trumped absolute financial attention, for two months. So today, instead of going out and getting my things to continue to plan and prepare our space and activities, I took over the pile of paperwork that Cap had been working with since I left Sacramento. Reacclimated myself to our online banking site, revisited and updated my household money worksheets, and paid some bills.

So, what does one do when one feels like there is nothing "extra" to spend on something as basic as homeschooling supplies? Well, for one, I think as the next months roll by, I'll be able to figure out how to better economize (use online resources and books from the library, start a new collection of reusable items for arts and crafts, etc.) I'll also have a better idea of how much is coming in and how much is going out. Knowing the bottom line is important.

I don't know. I had my ideas of how to try to be as fiscally responsible with our move and transition. But, I wasn't able to bring Cap onto my "page". If you're in a couple, you have to work through things like this together, and come up with solutions that work for you, as a couple. But, it's so hard sometimes to deal with the outcome compared to what I feel the outcome could have been and I just wish I could do it all my way.

So, what to do with the piles of shoes without a shoe shelf? It's all I can do to not clench internally every time I walk by them....many, many times a day.

For the first time, today, I wondered if for my emotional health, I should put First in school. It is hard to continue to deflect my feelings of guilt that I haven't started "school" yet. It's actually more than that, the guilt I feel is because I am giving them so little concentated attention around learning. Between setting up the apartment (we're not done yet), starting up my online course (I always forget how much time that takes) and the fact that they are happy to play with each other and without much supervision and intervention, the three of us haven't been spending much time really together the last four weeks.

Of course, putting him in school wouldn't deal with the root of the problem, I still would not be giving him the time and attention I want to be if he was in school and I was at home. But, it would provide me with what I really need right now, which is a free babysitter! If I could have a babysitter for five days, six hours each day, I can't even imagine how much progress I would make, how much ground I could cover...

Hum

There's been a hum in my head, in my atmosphere. A busy-ness, an anticipation, a storm before the calm (I hope).

The kids have been spending all sorts of time on their own since we moved in about four (already?!) weeks ago. I've been wrapped up in getting our home somewhat settled, and getting my online course and students somewhat settled. The nuts and bolts of starting to homeschool were truly left for the last minute.

What's been nice is my lack, for the most part, of guilt, that unhelpful state of mind which can be so paralyzing.

Here's what my "To do and get" list looks like:

• wooden mop

• feather duster

• choose read aloud book

• learn songs for: dusting, mopping, washing (from the Mary Thienes-Schunemann cds)

• choose verses, songs, fingerplays for Movement and Beginning Our Day (I made my intial choices this afternoon)
Good Morning: Seasonal Treasury p. 13
Movement game: ST p. 16
Quieting verse: ST p. 15
Michael Row Your Boat Ashore: Joyful Movement p. 70
Counting verse: ST p. 21
Riddle: ST p. 20 (The kids are very into riddles and jokes right now.)
Five Little Leaves: ST p. 48
Okina taiko (Japanese song)

• sand/water tray (sand for form drawing; water for wet-on-wet painting)

• learn some jumprope chants

• sidewalk chalk

• t-shirts

• plastic sheet? cedar chips?

• non-toxic poison ivy control

• Day of the Dead (a festival I am thinking I'd like to incorporate into our yearly rhythmn)

• new mealtime blessing: ST p. 10

• learn handwork warm-up verse: Five Little Bells from JM p. 52

• recorder warm-up: clapping game from JM p. 78

• candied apples recipe: ST p. 61

• leaf banners nature craft activity from Earthways

• Festivals, Family and Food: craft ideas with found items from nature and wool

• porch sweeping verse: Autumn p. 54

• First day of fall ceremony (in lieu of the Waldorf/Celtic festival, Michaelmas)
verse
a family story telling of an act of bravery
presentation of wooden swords with a verse
song: This Little Light of Mine

• Halloween Lantern Walk @ Sunbridge College

• make a schedule to be posted/visually accessible for kids

• black board

• Sheep and Fiber festival

• apple picking (I located an organic orchard 2 hours away after too many minutes of scrolling through the New York NOFA site---my eyes are still burning)

The kids are asleep, worn out by our pizza and movie night last night with Danielle, Owen and Lukas. My kids get really ramped up and unnerved by movies. It was Toy Story. We watched about 30 minutes of it and boy were they a mess for most of the morning. So, tonight they sleep, Cap and I are about to veg out to Elf. Tomorrow, the Sheep and Fiber festival.

I'm back

I'm in a new town, in a new climate, in a new time zone. The Happy Little Homeschool will open for business on Monday. I can't wait for everything to be just right, because it ain't gonna be, anytime soon. Things are definitely good enough, though. Piles, schmiles.

I bought Donna Simmons' First Grade Curriculum for Waldorf homeschoolers. In a short time it has helped me focus my concentration and attention. Kinder has become First. He decided a couple of weeks ago he was going to do first grade, and the short and happy of it is that his clarity and will have prevailed.

I also bought Donna's Form Drawing book and we'll be starting with a two week block (unit) of making straight lines and curves. In the air, in sand, in mud, with fingers, with toes, on paper, with block crayon. We walked Baxter this afternoon (Takai and Lisa's dog who we're dogsitting for a week) and found straight lines and curves amongst the trees, signs, stream, etc.

We'll also start recorder and working with wool (which will lead up to learning how to knit). We picked out our recorders at Montclair Music the other day. Evergreen for him, apple green for me. Kinder was bummed that he wasn't getting one and then decided that I should get him an electric guitar instead. He longs to rock out.

Tomorrow, weather permitting, we will head down to the Garden State Sheep Breeders' 12th Annual Sheep and Fiber Festival. Here's a link to their website:

http://www.quintillion.com/gssb/festival/index.html

I'm hoping that we'll be able to touch some sheep, feel some raw wool, watch some spinning and maybe buy some wool that we can dye at home. This is one of the things I love about Waldorf, the emphasis on the whole. Let's look at some sheep before we start learning to knit. See where it all begins.

A moment in Walnut Creek

The kids and I went to Walnut Creek for an overnight visit with Jiji. It was a gift in many ways:

• the hour the boys spent in the pool with their grandfather with those shrieks that shift subtly and quickly from joy to terror to joy again.

• the yummy meal at P.F. Chang's. It still warms my cockles to see Kinder down a GF meal with gusto at a restaurant where he's ordered off the menu.

• the kids tackling the 60 piece puzzles I brought with us.

• having some time to do what finally felt like actual (rather than virtual) planning for the month of September.

Here's what I did:

• chose four cooking activities (one per week).

• chose four craft activities (ditto).

• outlined the format I'll try out for fairytales (one per month with associated activities---drawing, puppet shows, etc.)

• decided to sing one selected Japanese song per month.

• chose verses, songs, finger plays, movement games for Circle.

• chose the theme for graph of the month.

• chose the contents for the month's estimation jar.

I also made a list of things to do for the month of August---it's a long list:

• clean apartment with essential oils.

• unpack.

• gather, organize and set up learning materials and area(s).

• Cape Cod holiday: collect sand/seashell pieces; seaweed.

• Raymonds' visit.

• Martells' visit.

• prepare for Lesley.

• housewarming.

• clear ground for living tipi next summer (pending okay from landlord/other tenants).

• discover good hikes, hiking areas.

• establish rhythm: in/out, quiet/active.

• join CSA.

• check out pediatrician, dentist, pediatric GI, cranial sacral, chiropractic, homeopath and/or naturopath.

• new mealtime blessing.

• math/fine motor collections: buttons, beans, glass beads.

I used Betty Jones' A Child's Seasonal Treasury (thanks Toni) and Donna Simmons' Joyful Movement and From Nature Stories to Natural Science to get me started. I will be supplementing with An overview of the Waldorf Kindergarten and A Deeper Understanding of the Waldorf Kindergarten, both published by the Waldorf Kindergarten Association (thanks Sandy), and Let Us Form A Ring, an Acorn Hill Anthology. I may not get to these books until I'm in NYC.

We have two weeks left here in sunny, DRY, Sacramento.

Doldrums...the next day

It's quiet with Cap not here. Well, maybe not quiet as much as empty.

At the end of my night last night, after an hour of putting digital pics in labeled folders, I read a chapter of The Historian and then picked up my planning notebook for the first time in a month or so. (I cannot remember the last time I have taken so long to read a book. Usually, my pace is frantic and if it isn't, whether because I'm not into the book or I get busy, I put the book down. There must be something about this book that lends itself to a leisurely read of a chapter here, a chapter there.)

I made lists of what to pack for NYC. One list for the kids and one list for me. Then I made a list of things to do before leaving Sac. Then I listed the days I have left and began filling in things happening on specific days. Then I began to fill in what I'd like to happen on some of those days.

I need to get to a bit of Lesley work and tackle the home office/my papers---organizing, purging, and getting into boxes. Those are my goals for this week, a week that has six scheduled appointments between the kids and I, and a visit from Barb today and JR and Pam Thursday-Monday.

No news on the NJ housing front yet.

The roasted asparagus sure smells good. We'll have that and homemade sushi rolls for lunch with B.

Flew through Entourage Season 2. It was good.

Doldrums

There's an episode of The Backyardigans that finds the group of friends on a Viking ship. They encounter a whirlpool and doldrums. I feel as if I've been tossed, finally, and safely, from the spinning waters of the whirlpool and into placid waters. Doldrums. A pocket of time and space where all is relatively still. From whence I may plot my next course of action.

Rhythm sounds good. But, we have a week of doctor and dentist appointments coming up, as well as, a visit from JR and Pam. So, nothing too rigid/formal. Just in and out, in and out.

Cap is in NJ this weekend. I'm holding my breath in as we wait to hear if we got a place. Need to let it out at some point soon since we won't be hearing until Monday. We're up against a single male who earns 150K a year and has two dogs. It sounds small, but is in a great neighborhood where I think we would feel comfortable.

Yosemite has been canceled for this weekend, so I am planning on registering for a one day course at Steiner College on Saturday on Waldorf Fundamentals for parents. My professional development for my non-professional occupation.

In four weeks, at this time, I will be in NYC, in the bosom of my family. I'll have said good-bye to this home we've created here. Wow. I guess at this point I just need to gather up the materials I think I'll find useful for planning and pack them in my travel suitcase. I don't think I'll be doing much planning here. I gotta pack!

Active planning grinds to a halt

Real life has taken over in a major way (six weeks from tomorrow we leave!, we don't have a place to live!, Kinder turns six a week from tomorrow!, we have so much stuff!, we will accrue more debt by moving!) and I have been watching a lot of movies at night. Esacpe, escape.

Homeschooling ideas floating in my consciousness:

• Take a trip to Smart and Final to check out their selection of wholesale kitchen items: ie. "washing sticks", glass juicer with cup.

• Now that Cap is open to delaying the start of first grade for Kinder, we need to decide what we're going to do so that I can plan accordingly.

• Julia dropped off some resources about temperaments in children and education. I need to flip through them. I just double checked. I already have the one that I think she liked: Roy Wilkenson's The Temperaments in Education. The other one is Children and Their Temperaments by Marieke Anschütz.

• Doing a Kindergarten year with Pre and Kinder (Kinder 1 and Kinder 2) would be a nice way to start homeschooling, for me. Less complex.

• T-shirts! On one of my lists, someone shared that she makes each of her children a "homeschool" t-shirt through Café Press using clip art images. Each child chooses a name for the school year and the shirt represents the school year. I liked that idea. Their school has a name too, but is not on the t-shirt. Every year she makes them a new shirt.

• Pre's last day of preschool is next Thursday, Kinder's last day is the Thursday after that. We'll have about four weeks together before we leave for NYC. I could consider establishing some rhythm...I'd been thinking of just throwing the towel in to chaos. We haven't used our painting boards yet! We should paint.

• Thinking of buying a kinder lyre. A Waldorf thing---for puppet shows, quiet times, to instill peacefulness...
http://www.novanatural.com/product.phtml?pr=4783&sec=433

• Thinking of giving Kinder the sword he's expressed a desire for in the fall instead of for his birthday. There's a Waldorf celebration in the fall, Michaelmas, which is all about bravely and resolutely bringing light into darkness and slaying the dragons that threaten to undermine us. Seems like an opportune time to "knight" him. He has already said he wants a metal one, but alas for him, it will be wooden.

• Saw some Main Lesson Books at Kinder's school today and am reconsidering using them for first grade. I'd decided against it thinking that we could make our own, which many homeschoolers do. But, seeing them, so simple, so clearly unlike any other paper/notebook the kids have ever seen/used, they appealed to a certain aesthetic and methodology in me.

You don't look forty

Yesterday, at our "usher in summer" potluck, a new co-worker of Cap's made the above comment to me. She was pretty astounded. There have been more than enough times, though less and less so recently, that I've focused on the embarrassment, shame, sheepishness of feeling like I've wasted so much time, or that I should have "grown up" much longer ago.

When I was in my twenties:

• I finished college.

• I lived by myself for the first and only time, in Hiroshima while employed by the JET Program and loved it.

• I was told I was beautiful by someone and truly believed it, for the first time.

• Cap and I got together and we whirled through a courtship that spanned the East Bay, Nara, Plympton, before we settled down in Cambridge.

When I was in my thirties:

• We tried to get pregnant for four years and then I popped Kinder out at 34 and Pre at 35.

• We weathered a two year soujourn in Plympton (living with Cap's dad and partner), so Cap could finish his doctoral program while being the primary wage earner for the family.

• We discovered Kinder's severe milk allergy and Celiac diagnosis.

• I held it together while Cap was shut out of an academic position and we moved to Sacramento.

• I ended extended nursing with Pre at age 38.

Lately, I am enjoying a newfound sense of self at age forty. So, even if I don't look forty, I feel forty, and I mean that in the best of ways.

Tidbits

• octopus with kim chee, lumpias, and Korean bbq at Pre's classmate's birthday party---mmm

• Cap open to delaying start of first grade for Kinder!

• pale yellow lily blooms in backyard

• The Ringer---thoroughly enjoyed it, we both did

• amazing breezy high of 70º weather continues

• making banana muffins for B for our picnic blanket Belle Cooledge playdate

• feeling so lucky and happy

• Kinder and Pre swinging in the front yard as "Tarzan" (a shoulder and arm pulled out of the tops of their shirts on one side)

• Pre's roars and sobs of frustration and fury which punctuate our days

• no luck with NJ housing search so far

• drive to Roseville yields an incredible landscape, up 5 and then onto 99...big sky, flat land, mountains in the distance in three directions

• Keanu Reeve's new movie out June 16, need to lasso someone to accompany me...reminds me that I saw Constantine on the big screen with my brother!

See-saw

Yesterday and the day before were nice days. The kids seemed happier, there was definitely less whining. We saw B on Tuesday and M on Wednesday.

On Tuesday, Kinder and B were swinging on the swings out front, very rhythmically and with good force, and talking. There was such a calmness and clarity to their conversation. I wondered what the effect of the rhythmic exercise was, I'm pretty certain there was a relationship there. The snippet I overheard was of them relating to each other when they feel "very shy". Pre and I were reading, snuggled up in the glider and papasan chair, facing the front windows, thrown open to let in a wonderful breeze.

There has been a great breeze the last few days.

Yesterday, Pre, Kinder and M thoroughly enjoyed the sprinkler and water for about an hour. Erika showed me their Costa Rica pictures and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I wanted to visit a place I was hearing about.

Where am I going with all of this. See-saw.

One of the basic concepts in Waldorf philosophy with young kids is rhythm. And at its foundation, the rhythm of in and out. Like breath. This has been something of a challenge for me.

I'm an in person. I like being inside. There was a time, pre-kids, when I was perfectly content to read a good book cover to cover, leaving my bed only for a snack or drink, if that. When I have a hard time with something I tend to hold it in. All my hobbies can be done indoors.

On days like yesterday and the day before, I am struck by the beauty of the effect being out has on the kids. So, how to balance? How to bring more out into my/our daily life? The kids have naturally adapted to my "in"-heavy lifestyle. I want to give them more "out" before it's too late.

Don't feel guilty, don't feel guilty, don't feel guilty.

Breathe out.

I love the way a day feels when I don't multi-task, when meals get prepared and made from the ingredients that are in the kitchen, when I spontaneously invite friends over, and when there is a flow between me and the kids that is warm, energetic, and smooth. These types of days feel organic. Emotionally, we all get what we want for the most part.

Yet, many days, I feel behind the eight ball. I feel if I could only be more organized, if I could only have more of a plan to follow, I'd be getting more done.

Or, I am placid during the day with the kids, but then once they go to bed, feel completely devoid of energy or initiative. It feels as if, literally, I am shutting "off".

More see-sawing.

Gotta remember to breathe out, to get out. Trust in balance...believe in balance.

Harmony

5:15 pm.

Cap in the kitchen whipping up not only dinner (Spanish rice, pinto beans, corn bread, broccoli), but a surprise dessert (carrot cake with coconut frosting), clinking, whirring, and bobbing to his Indian music.

Pre and Kinder in the front room playing mellowly building cityscapes and train tracks.

Me cross-legged on the floor of the home office folding laundry, listening to tunes and chatting with my sister about her tough day at work, House and Michael's recent transformation to a complete American Idol-head.

Not bad at all for a day that started off with a throbbing headache and eyes that just didn't want to open.

Self-doubt

This isn't the first time, and will certainly not be the last. I am having some self-doubt about homeschooling. The pint of Ben and Jerry's (Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch) that I polished off last night while watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition...a tip-off that something needs to be "processed".

Last Thursday, I volunteered in Kinder's class for the first time. With my online course essentially over, I felt freed up to think about and make arrangements to come in to help on Thursdays until school ends in mid-June.

Well, I loved it. What I did:

• turned on the rice cooker which cooked up the oatmeal for snack

• shelled walnuts with a group of kids using very cool wooden nut crackers

• replenished the hot water pot and the glass pitchers periodically, as needed

• admired the beaded, scallop-edged netting covers that were used to cover the pitchers

• observed the children at play

• sat in on circle

• sat next to Kinder at snack time and enjoyed my Mexican-style oatmeal, walnuts and chamomile tea

• supervised the washers, rinsers and dryers clean up the snack plates, cups and utensils

• watched the kids enjoy the bamboo tipi that a former parent put up that morning

• prepared the lavender water for children to wash their hands with before coming back into the class

The circle activities were what got into my head, planting little question seeds. In Waldorf early childhood education, there is an emphasis on movement. And, seeing firsthand the creative group movement activities in Kinder's class has left me wondering how I can provide something on par with that for Pre and Kinder in the fall.

I haven't gotten to Movement/Circle in my planning yet. When I do, hopefully, my resources and imagination and experience with young kids will serve me well and quell my doubts.

I am also thinking of joining/creating a Waldorf-inspired cooperative with homeschooling families once we move. This could be a natural and meaningful way to build community and practically speaking, gather enough kids together to do group activities. Through my Waldorf homeschooling Yahoo groups, I know there are at least two other families in the area, and we may be able to drum up more interest.

As an adult who was not homeschooled, it's hard to conceptualize how someone who is homeschooled develops their own sense of independence outside of their family, as well as, their sense of being part of a community that is separate from their family. I can see the benefits of integrating these building blocks into a child's life in the form of cooperative play/work and movement activities, as is done to varying degrees and with varying success, in schools.

So, how does one achieve this in a homeschooling context? I'm certain it happens, but as a kinesthetic learner, it's challenging for me to know or understand how something works until I have experienced it at least once. At a certain point, there is only so much left that I can glean from hearing someone talk about it, or reading up on it.

Part of the work I am doing is letting go of the unaswerable questions as they arise, trusting that I will start learning more deeply and critically once we actually start, and knowing that the kids are going to be okay along the way...better than okay, in fact.

Yee!

Kinder first noticed the "Yee" signs a couple of weeks ago. Someone named Jimmie Yee is running for Board of Supervisors and his bright blue placards with yellow-green lettering have started sprouting on local lawns. Kinder wanted to know what the signs said and now, as we tool around town, our rides are punctuated by crows of "Yee!" A precursor to Punch Bug?

Äiti: When I was growing up, there were two kids in my seventh grade homeroom whose last names were Yee. But, they were not brother and sister. William and Frances.

Kinder: Frances?!?

Unexpected and instant segue into the beloved Frances of the Russell and Lillian Hoban books.

Loose tooth

While we were out at The Pacific Rim Festival today, Kinder complained that his tooth was hurting. His explanation was meandering as I wove them through throngs of people scoping out a good spot for us to watch Cap and his taiko group, Koyasan Taiko.

He complained of pain again while we were sitting in the drizzle consuming various Pacific Rim food and drink, but again, the surroundings were a bit hectic, and I took a look, but all seemed normal.

On the way home, in the car, he finally piped up that his tooth felt loose! I told him I looked forward to getting home so I could get in there to check it out.

Hugs and jubilation in the kitchen, looking deeply into my little boy's eyes, hearts dancing, holding onto him feeling him growing apart from me even as I held him tighter. He was all a mix of self-preservation in the face of my tidal wave and quiet ecstasy.

The first thing he said to me once we were settled down? "Don't write about this in your blog." But, he changed his mind.

Kinder almost six

Mary and S took the train up from Berkeley for a visit this weekend. It was just mamas and kids as Cap was in LA for work.

I had two of those moments when the world slows for just a minute and you're filled with awe and wonder because your kid does something so naturally and simply, showing you that they have grown up a bit. That sometimes grinding, glacial pace of parenting is magically disappeared with a wave of an almost six year old's magic being.

On Friday, the three kids were settling on the big bed for a dose of the Backyardigans (Pre and Kinder's big favorites right now). I was about to embark on a longish dinner preparation so I told Kinder and Pre that they could each pick an episode (normally it would have just been Pre who could choose since it was his "choose" day). Pre promptly picked It's Great To Be A Ghost. Kinder announced that since S was their guest she should be able to have a choose and relenquished his. S happily picked Key To The Nile (and grew bored with the scene within five minutes :-)

On Saturday, we arrived at the Amtrak station with little time to spare. It was one of those situations that tends to get my adrenaline going. Two moms, three kids (5, 4 and 2), a couple of bags, a big ass car seat, a dinosaur book, and an unpredictable parking lot to cross. Wondering about the permutaton of hands to hold and hands needed to carry stuff, Kinder wordlessly picked up the rear end of the Britax, lightening my load considerably. My other hand was freed up to hold Pre's hand (who later on would stop my heart as he giggled his bouding body right out into the path of miraculously empty traffic after we dropped our friends and their stuff at the train).

Yay for growing up. Yay for being almost six.

Simple pleasures

Yesterday was the Multicultural Festival at Kinder's school (a Waldorf methods magnet school which is part of the local public school system). Mary and S came with us, up from Berkeley, and we met Erika and M there. Cap was still in LA for work and missed out.

The Kindergarten's culti was Mexican. I worked slinging strawberries with Mexican crema and durritos with fresh sqeezed lime juice and chili sauce for an hour. Worked up a bit of a sweat creating culinary magic with dollops of cream and little paper Mexican and American flags. The durritos were what one of the Kindergarten teachers referred to as the vegetarian version of pork rinds. They were deep fried, crunchy snacks in the shape of wagon wheels.

But, the bigger hit was the cascarone eggs, also known as, confetti eggs. The Kindergarten spent a couple of weeks collecting empty, dry egg shells with just the tops missing. The kids then stuffed the egg shells with confetti and taped the tops over with a piece of art tissue paper. Children and adults alike were buying 3 eggs for $1.00 and chasing or sneaking up on each other and cracking the eggs over their noggins. The bits of colored paper caught in our hair and strewn about the grass was simply beautiful.

My highlights:

• the Greek plate for $2.50---baba ghanoush, grape leaves, couscous, feta cheese, olives, tsatziki, pita, sugar coated anise seeds and a cake topped with phyllo was like heaven after my hour shift

• Kinder's first snow cone

• the chunky bracelet Pre made stringing buttons, sea shells, beads, and felt pieces

• S finally getting the nap she needed, in Mary's arms under a leafy tree

• the painted ceramic bird whistle which Pre intensely enjoyed for the hour before it was dropped at home and broke

• the 3rd graders rendition of Rattlin' Bog

• the 6th graders taiko performance

• the pervasive and unassuming energy and power of a school community cooperating together on a Saturday as a living and breathing organism

Planning

Finally had some mental and actual space last night to do some homeschool planning.

The kids and I picked Cap up from work, which gets Cap home by 4:30 instead of the 5:30 when he takes the bus. Pre fell asleep on the way home and stayed asleep until about 5:30 this morning. An interesting mixture of emotions ensued: mild concern that he was sleeping so much, validation of my intuition that he's been sleep deprived, and wonder at experiencing having an only child (with both Cap and I present) for a few hours. Particularly noticeable was the calm dinnertime.

After dinner I jumped on the computer and began drafting the beginning of our school year, which is scheduled to start September 18. I started with Language Arts and mapped out stories for the first four weeks. I decided to start with a block of Grimm's fairy tales (a Waldorf element).

This is what I'm thinking of (K=Kinder; F=First):

9/18: (K) Sweet Porridge; (F) Bremen Town Musicians
9/25: (K) The Star Money; (F) Rapunzel
10/2: (K) The Elves and the Shoemaker; (F) Hansel and Gretel
10/9: (K) The Gigantic Turnip; (F) Snow White and Rose Red

Breakdown of “Lesson Block” for week (K will not do part 4):
part 1: present story orally
part 2: render story: drawing
part 3: summarize story: retell/act out, puppets, beeswax modeling
part 4: summarize story: writing

I got excited thinking about stories like The Bremen Town Musicians and The Gigantic Turnip (not a Grimm's tale, but a Russian folk tale), stories I have memory impressions of from my own childhood.

I would like to pay attention to seasonal elements in selecting stories as I continue with the planning process.

I also decided to plan for Pre. In NJ, where we will be, he will not be eligible for Kindergarten. So, I was of the mind that he would just get what he gets from watching Kinder, but once I started drafting last night, it made more sense to plan an eclectic Kindergarten curriculum for him. As is fast becoming a mantra of sorts, the nice thing about homeschooling is that we have the flexibility to try what we want and abandon what doesn't work.

I went back to Eric Fairman's Path of Discovery book for First Grade to map out introducing the Capital letters. Eric is a Waldorf schoolteacher in Australia who has published his teaching notes/plans. One of the more practically helpful and economical resources I have come across so far.

This is what I drafted, pretty much lifting completely from POD:

9/18: Straight and Curved Lines
9/25: M: mountain; Simeli Mountain (letter; letter "object"; letter "story")
10/2: V: valley
10/9: S: stream
10/16: T: tree; Three Little Men in the Wood
10/23: W: waves; The Fisherman and his Wife
10/30: C: canoe
11/6: F: fish; The Lambkin and the Little Fish
11/13: H: house; The Hut in the Forest
11/20: off for Thanksgiving
11/27: J: jug; The Water of Life
12/4: B: bear; The Willow-Wren and the Bear
12/11: G: goose; The Golden Goose
12/18: K: king; King Thrushbeard
12/25: off for Christmas/New Year's
1/1: R: rabbit
1/8: L: ledge
1/15: Conclusion (including vowels); The Two Brothers

The idea is that the letters will be introduced one by one (and not all of them are...the rest will be identified at the Conclusion of the unit and Kinder encouraged to "find" the others in the world around him) through stories. Fairman mostly uses Grimm's fairy tales, but also utilizes indigenous folk tales, as well as, tales of his own making. I like this idea a lot and will hopefully be able to incorporate folk tales from Japan and Finland. I am also interested in writing my own stories and drawing from local (NJ) geographies and cultures for inspiration and connection.

These particular Grimm's tales may not be developmentally appropriate for Kinder. In Waldorf schools, a child doesn't enter first grade until they are seven years old. Kinder will be starting a first grade curriculum at age six and in fact, won't be turning seven until the end of first grade. Therefore, it may be necessary to seek out other stories that will better meet him at his developmental stage. (Kinder's current teacher recently informed us that were he returning to his school in the fall, her recommendation would have been for him to do a second year of Kindergarten. This is a common practice for children born between June and December in Waldorf schools.)

Fairman also created a foundational storytelling tool to bind the letters together. He created an indigenous family who come across the letter "objects" in their travels of the local landscape. The letter "stories" are woven into the fabric of this original tale.

The letters/letter sounds would also be reinforced through speech, tactile and movement exercises during lessons and/or other times of the day like circle time. Off the top of my head, these could be: alliterative chants, writing the letters in shaving cream or on someone's back, writing the letters on the sidewalk with chalk and then walking, skipping, hopping the forms, etc.

Kinder knows his letters, at this point. He actually writes daily, mostly stories that accompany his drawings (he tells us what he wants to write and we dictate the letters) and lists of what he wants for his birthday. Introducing the letters to him formally, though, will integrate a more holistic conceptualization of the letters, tapping his imagination and also forcing him to engage parts of his brain/body that he doesn't readily do on his own.

Economics

I took over the management of the household finances about a month ago. I'm beginning to get a feel for the in and outflow of money and the inflexibility of our financial situation. I had the thought this morning: it would make the most economic sense to send Kinder to school in the fall. We will undoubtedly spend more money (we already have) to homeschool him than to send him to public school. There's something appealing about the ability of the truth of something to cut right through to the heart of a matter.

Time will tell if this epiphany will lead to any changes.

Pre started my waking life this morning with the question: "How do you make doors?" About 45 minutes later I overheard him saying, "Water vapor is spit."