Introvert

Some strands coming together.

Jamie began things by talking to me about some books she'd read about introverts (months ago). From these conversations, I started to think about my introvert tendencies, as well as, First's.

Then there was Fiber Arts on Monday and our co-op meal last night.

FA felt, for the most part, chaotic to me. The kids were having a blast and were very energetic running in, out and around the house. Kelly's house is fantastic for this. It's an old, roomy house where all the rooms have two ways to exit and enter (great for running through). Their yard is a masterpiece, really, with three levels, two slides, an in-ground dipping pool, nooks and crannies, sloping and flat surfaces, and lots of green.

My kids were happy to play, like last week, but I could feel my energy, which was low to start with post-weekend, begin to drain almost immediately. It may have unfolded differently had I had a project to plunge into, but with all the busy-ness lately, I haven't gotten anything organized. (The kids' Halloween costumes and a knitting project are on my mental radar.)

The co-op meal felt very different to me last night, in large part, I think, because I was a guest and not a host. There were times during the meal that I could feel a familiar "freezing up" feeling followed by a detaching of my mind from my body. Exactly the kind of thing I would feel at parties back when I used to go to parties.

I struggled to stay put, there were six of us around a table and I wanted to just "be" with them. I forced myself to interject comments and even found myself telling some stories, but awkwardly, almost blundering, not fluid.

I realize that hosting gatherings, which I love to do, provides me with a way to be social without having to be "extroverted". All the cooking, fussing about, keeping an eye on things, keep me involved and cuts down on the amount of time I need to "small talk".

There's a down side, too, which is when I am hosting people with who I'm already close to. Then I often feel I've been cheated out of "quality" time because all I was able to do was make the equivalent of "small talk". I often feel this way when I get together with family.

Then this morning, on one of my Yahoo groups, I read some posts about introvert parents who are homeschooling, and their tips, stories, insights. It was an interesting and timely conversation.

And all of this has kind of settled into my head, reminding me that I'm an introvert.

I forget this because I am also very interpersonal. Once I connect with someone and become friends with them (which requires some one-on-one time...usually not a lot, I am quick to fall in love), I place a high value on spending time with them. Because we've moved so much in the last half dozen years, I've had to forego a lot of this because there simply isn't enough time in my days to talk to everyone I'd like to on the phone.

What I have found is that this doesn't matter in maintaining my friendships. More often than not, I will see someone who I haven't seen in a year or more and we can just fall into the intimate and warm communion that I remember. Literally, it's like we've jumped the space and time continuum.

We've been quite busy the past few weeks. Kinder is an extrovert and he has been showing me this fall that he is ready and wanting to do more outside of the house, outside of our core.

Fiber Arts, art class, co-op dinner, drum and movement, soccer, swimming, our schedule now includes planned activity every day of the week except Thursdays and Sundays.

Every weekend between now and Christmas has a planned activity.

Something else to keep in mind as autumn deepens. In order to create and maintain a good energy for myself, I need to be more vigilant about protecting my time alone... doing something other than watching tv!