Making breadsticks

A happy way to end the day. The kids love making these GF breadsticks from a bag (Chebe brand). We rarely get to knead dough so this is a treat.

I was in an inexplicable black mood for most of the day. Being a peripheral bakers' helper was therapeutic.

Tried to get a holiday photo...may have succeeded.

Can you guess whose hands are who's?

It's bullet time

• Kinder's birthday party was great. We had quite a crowd, but the energy was warm and happy and we had a good time. Pictures to come.

• First has become a boob man. Today he was singing a song of his own making about how much he loves boobs. He thinks they're funny, he's magnetically drawn to them. It's been embarrassing and poignant and a lesson in tolerance and patience.

• I canceled Austin. First has been expressing fear of separation and it just started feeling less and less worth it. Cap was amazing in his immediate and genuine support and understanding. So we'll work on a plan B to celebrate togetherness sans kids. The smile of relief on First's face when I told him this morning spoke a thousand words.

• Looking forward to a period of reflection and quiet as we head towards the solstice. The kids have been pretty media saturated (for us, which is still so much less than most, but still, a lot, for us...and there we have a circle) and I am longing for some rhythm.

• Within hours of Kinder's party ending I felt like I was back to myself. Suddenly I had space to think and time to relax. This continued into today. I watched Anna and Lukas for a few hours, the kids played and I picked up my knitting for the first time in weeks. I baked brownies for our neighbors to make up for the ruckus we created in the hallways and house yesterday with our nearly 40 guests. There were vegetables back in our meals. The kids and I read in bed for almost an hour tonight.

• Both kids had meltdowns today. Afterwards it was like that dry, clear, blue that comes after a summer storm blows away a stagnant humid front.

Drained but in a good way

Must. Go. To. Bed.

Mike D. is here for a visit which has been wonderful. Cap picked him up around 3:00 this morning (flight was delayed) and Mike surprised me, my bedhead and all, by waking around 8:00 (5:00 CA time).

He showered us with gifts and the kids set about building right away with their new construction sets. Me, I got a big blue box from Tiffany with a lovely yellow teapot and matching sugar bowl and cream pitcher. My bling itch was majorly satisfied :-)

We went out for breakfast at a local diner, with a stop to see Vinny for my traditional chinese herbs. By the time we got home it was time to get ready for our first family concert at our local performing arts center. The kids were none too happy about having to pause their building again.

The concert was a lot of fun, appropriately interactive, and our seats were great, first row of the first balcony. And it was cool to see Cass' brother, who is the concert master!

We got home and ate, Mike was craving pizza as most northeast expats do when they return to the home region and he and I indulged in a pepperoni and garlic pizza. Yum.

Cap and Mike then took off for coffee and dessert before heading back to the performing arts center for an evening classical concert that we had tix for (the first of a Saturday night subscription).

The kids watched an ep of AFV for movie night while I began prep for Kinder's party tomorrow (and talked to Wendy for the first time in ages). After their show was over, First really wanted to help me, as he has been doing more of lately.

He neatened up the couch draping the throw against the back of it and arranging the cushions just so. He cut the hemp laces for the necklace making area while I measured them out. He moved the little chairs and then sprayed and wiped down the little table which we arranged to create the face and hand painting area.

He has been changing again and seeming older. Kinder, too.

They went to bed around 9:00 and then I made the potato for the alternative hot potato game that we played at Lucia's party. It took way more paper than I had anticipated and took a really long time to make! Holly, I had no idea.... In this version of the game, when the music stops, whoever is holding the potato gets to unwrap a layer of it and receive the treat that appears. Then they leave the circle. The game continues until the last child has unwrapped their layer finding a treat.

I tried in vain to locate Kinder's birthday cd song list that we had compiled together yesterday, but I think it may have gotten accidentally recycled. Unfortunately, this means that Cap will not be able to burn the cds and printout the covers tonight. C'est la vie.

The eggs are boiled and in the fridge (for deviled eggs), the brown rice is cooked and warm in the rice cooker (for Sri Wasano's Infamous Rice Salad from the original Moosewood cookbook), the bathroom all sparkly, the living room set up with the activity areas (a third activity will be drawing and coloring your own puzzle), and I am headed to bed.

I will awake at 6:00 and bake the cake, make the rice salad so it can marinate and chill for a few hours and make the deviled eggs and frosting, too.

I need the early start because Cap will be out tomorrow morning driving Mike to the airport (he'll be flying to Beantown to see his sister) and gone for at least two hours.

I'd like to have some time in the morning to straighten out the kids' room, too.

No pictures of Mike and the kids, the camera batteries needed to be recharged...

Bling

I'll admit it. I have always wanted a diamond ring. Not an engagement ring, but a ring of my choosing, some fine bling.

But, I/we have never had the money for that kind of thing and I know enough about the diamond trade to know that I would have some mixed feelings about owning a diamond.

During my travels today, I came across a diamond ring I could have. It cost $6 and is stretchy and comfortable. It made my girly self happy :-)


(Click on the photo for a closer look!)

A glimpse in

I am cleaning up my desk area today. It's a good day for it. It's a typical first day of period laying in kind of day. It's a grey day outside, but the light is hitting the yellow leaves just right and it feels cheery.

Kinder is fever-free this morning and clearly feeling much better. He's been doing a lot of hiding from First and jumping out to say "boo!"

I awoke around 5:00 am practically panting from a nightmare, but it is a fast receded memory.

As I was going through the piles on my desk, I came across this packet of place mats (called "luncheon mats" in Japan). An aunt gave them to me/us back when we lived in Cambridge...this would be a minimum of six years and three moves ago.

I love them. They are made of washi, a type of traditional Japanese craft paper. Place mats made of paper. Only in Japan? Maybe not, but a dilemma they have posed for me, nonetheless.

There's the Yankee spirit in me that feels like it would be a waste to use them, for they can only be used once.

There's the romantic in me that just knows there will be the perfect moment to unveil them, to the crows of delight of the just right set of guests.

There's the pack rat in me that has packed and unpacked them, still in their plastic, still with their weathered 400 yen price tag, three different times, and has been completely okay with that.

Then there's the me that stood holding the packet for a minute or two, trying to decide whether to just chuck them or not. Part of me longs to just chuck a lot of stuff as I try to simplify and organize my space and things.

I wonder what else I will find as I go back in there...

F**k!!!

There's a big lesson here and I've learned it...but it feels like something always comes out to bite me when it comes to handling our finances. And it freaking hurts.

Cap and I had our once every six months or so difficult money conversations this morning. It was long, but worth it, for me. He lost out on some work time, so it was doubly hard for him.

Afterwards, I took a fresh look at our numbers in order to formulate a workable budget, something we have never been able to stick to successfully over our decade-plus together.

My shocking discovery. Spoiler alert: Turns out I am a big, f**king idiot.

I've been feeling like I have been spending less money since moving to NJ. But, working without a budget, I could never be certain.

I started charting our bills. I did this for nearly a year, but realized after six months or so that this wasn't doing much...not giving me any new information. The initial satisfaction of creating a form and typing numbers into it regularly, soon faded away.

Our credit card bill kept going up incrementally, but slowly enough that I was never alarmed enough to pay closer attention.

What I realized today after spending some time with the conundrum that is our financial life, was that for over a year now, I have not been sending money to the credit card for all the little, budgeted charges that I was making, mostly online.

Or, for the bigger, reimbursed charges for Cap's professional spending.

I was paying our paper bills, including partial payments on the credit card bills (which started getting closer and closer to the minimum payment which I also did notice, but did not pay closer attention to), but simply forgot to pay the credit card company for specific charges (ie. things that I would normally use the debit card for, but because it was an online transaction or a bigger ticket item for which we could earn more significant points, I used the credit card) as they occurred.

(Also, we carried some hefty debt coming into this, especially from the move itself)

It seems such an obvious thing NOT to do, but there it is.

In the now over a year that we've lived here, I have yet to fully go through all my paperwork AND create a workable and habitual system of book keeping/desk work.

Life happens, especially (adjusting to) homeschooling two kids and living somewhere new, and now I'm paying a high price for continually, and unconsciously, putting this work on the back burner.

Ugh...

Back from our trip

A rare family photo taken at the FDR Memorial in Washington DC. We spent time there with Marc and his wife and baby daughter. (Marc is a friend from my teen years and has the distinction of having been my boyfriend from ninth grade to spring break of our senior year of college.)

It was a beautiful autumn day after a mostly cloudy and rainy weekend. Our trip was fun and it will take me awhile to organize the many photos we took.

We saw Ellen, Jen and their kids, went to the National Zoo and the Air and Space museum, and took looks at the Lincoln and Jefferson memorials, Washington monument, Vietnam and Korean War memorials (on Veteran's Day alongside throngs of vets), the White House, and the Capitol building. We strolled along the reflecting pool and mall, as well.

Cap's workshop went well at the conference he attended, our hotel room had a great view, and we had meals at two restaurants with GF menus: the Austin Grill in Alexandria (where Cap remembered we had eaten once a long time ago) and Legal Seafoods in Arlington. We also had a couple of meals at Whole Foods in VA and MD. Their presence, seemingly everywhere, a comfort, but also an indication that we weren't very much off the beaten path.

We returned late Sunday night and Kinder woke at 2:00 am throwing up in the family bed. I was a zombie yesterday after 3 hours of sleep, today I'm pretty sleepy, too.

My seven year old dragon

First was born in the year of the dragon. I remember Dr. Li chuckling, I detected ruefulness, saying that my baby dragon (still in utero) would be getting into some battles with my mother, who is also a dragon.

What he didn't mention was that I would be butting heads with him, too.

Me, the horse. But, I am a special horse, a fiery one, born in a year/cycle that parents of maidens of yore would lie about in order to improve their daughters' chances for marriage. For, who would want to marry a girl who was a fire horse?

I know it's normal for clashes and conflicts to arise when raising a child with love and passion. But, it kind of sucks, too, when it is all so new and unfamiliar. I need to buck up. I mean, he's only seven.

I'm in the lucky space!

...this is what Kinder crowed to his brother as he dove into the crook of my armpit as we settled in for the night. The lucky space.

On a day like today when, by the end of it, I was wondering if it is ever possible to go a whole day without any unpleasantness on our parts, but especially mine. No complaining, no whining, no butting heads over the slightest (and truly unimportant) details, no abrupt answers to seemingly dysfunctional questions...

Even on a day like today, I am the lucky space.

Instant cure. Immediate balm. How lucky am I?

Wall of hats

Last night, as our co-op dinner guests were departing (after a mellow, lovely, time change winter-is-coming feeling meal of turkey chili, corn bread, salad and peanut butter cookies), we could not locate Anna's hat.

All of us were used to this sort of thing and we murmured reassurances to each other that it would crop up somewhere, sometime.

This morning, the boys noticed both Anna and Lukas' hats hung up on our wall of hats. The children apparently took it upon themselves to place their hats where hats should clearly go.

(The wall of hats is by the door we used to use to come in and out of the apartment and so was out of our visual field as we said our good-byes...)

Drumming at home

Kinder set up a drum kit and was drumming away while I prepared tonight's common meal in the kitchen. I came out and he explained how he figured out that the drum sounded different when it was propped so that it wasn't sitting flat on the floor.

I want my kids to be who they are, but have to admit that I've always loved drumming and am thrilled that he does, too. First has been practicing, as well, and checks in with his brother to make sure he's keeping up in his own progress.

Ellen's book

So cool, my friend Ellen has a new book out. I remember the days when writing a paper was pure, absolute, unadulterated torture. Way to go sweetie!

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Bonds-Genealogies-Feminist-Philosophy/dp/0195314751/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-6387017-4855960?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1194447519&sr=8-2

That's the long web address...I can't figure out how to make it a link that you can just click on....

It's called Family Bonds and can be checked out at Amazon.

For fans of Ellen, feminist philosophy and Foucault :-)

Latkes

...they're not just for Chanukah around here.

Once the autumn air starts to feel crisp, we start making and eating latkes in our household. My love of latkes began with Chanukah celebrations, most notably Diane's, back when we lived in Cambridge and she in Somerville.

We do love our potatoes, and so it seemed natural to introduce latkes into our home cooking repertoire. First loves latke sandwiches (a latke in between two slices of bread with mayo :-) for breakfast the morning after we have them for dinner...anyone who's ever lived with me knows where he gets that kind of stomach/appetite from.

I began making latkes in autumn/winter with vigor while we lived in Sacramento. With our move back east and the acquisition of cast iron pans, making them has become an even more easy and fruitful endeavor.

Tonight, First volunteered to assist and he worked on learning the ways of the vegetable peeler. He didn't make it to the grater because the onion fumes were getting to his eyes. He returned for the mixing of the grated potatoes and onion, GF all purpose flour, salt, eggs and potato starch.

This fall, I am trying hand grating and am surprised at what a difference it makes. The latkes have been, in my opinion, superior. Tonight, I grated the taters right into a colander. The potato starch I got from the bottom of the puddle of potato water was fantastic. Plentiful and much more solid than I've ever seen.

The kids and I tucked into the warm and crispy-round-the-edges latkes and ate a pretty silent dinner (too busy eating to talk :-) First was the last to finish and I ran to grab my camera to document at least the final luscious bite, but, alas, I was too late and this is the shot I got (he'd look happier except he's got terrible head cold symptoms---hence the pile of tissues!)...

Catchin' up

It's been a busy week...funny, it feels like much longer has passed.

I've been eating a lot of prosciutto lately. I used to like it, now I love it. It's something I would sometimes treat myself to by getting a sandwich somewhere, but these days, I've been buying it at the big Whole Foods, the yummy domestic kind, ten to twelve slices at a time.

I've been hating my hair/haircut. The whole point was to have it be less fuss, and now I'm having to mess with hair paste and a blow dryer...

We have to get the air conditioners out of the windows! All of a sudden it's colder and the apartment feels downright drafty.

We visited Anna and the kids this weekend which was a lot of fun. We leave for Virginia/DC in a few days. I'm looking forward to this trip. It's our family vacation for the year though Cap will spend about half of his time participating in a conference.

Halloween was a lot of fun. I crammed to finish the costumes and it turned out to be a magical night of trick-or-treating.

Here are some random visuals, odds and ends.



The cover and some sample pages from First's comic book featuring Write Man.


Kinder enjoying some tunes on Cap's iPod.


First wrapped this gift for Tobias and Elsa, a book he chose personally. It looked so pretty I had to snap a pic.

I was going to post two videos, but...I think because the computer I'm on has an older operating system, the one step video posting option I used when posting from Cap's laptop does not appear available.

Barbra was here

Barb came out from Oakland for a visit. She arrived last Thursday night and the kids and I oohed and aahed at the nighttime Halloween displays we saw as we drove out of town to pick her up at the airport.

That night, Kinder was thrilled to have First back in bed with him again. First was completely better from his illness (during which time he had slept in the big bed) and Barb was getting the big bed for the duration of her stay.


(The futons were booted from the livingroom when we upgraded to the Ikea couch-bed and dumped the broken futon frames. With no where else to put them, we had them in the kids' room, the only place they fit, the middle of the floor. This proved to be popular as they then could jump off the top bunk onto a soft surface. Within a week or so, they started sleeping on the piled futons and began reading together by the light of flashlights after lights out. After weeks of this set up, I finally cleaned and reorganized their room so that now the futons are against a wall and there is a cleared play space in the center of the room again.)

It took me pretty much the whole day to get that room in shape. The night before, Cap had moved my brother's old desk into our room and now the sewing machine is on it and I'll eventually turn it into a craft table. I moved their dresser and then the two futons. I was amazed at how well my back held up and, again, chalk it up to traditional Chinese medicine.

This is what the kids did while I worked:





Barbra and I went into the city Friday and met Cara and Rachael for a late lunch at my now reliable café in the Village where I had the yummy vanilla rooibos tea. We shared middle eastern food and caught up with each other before sharing an unsatisfying chocolate dessert and setting back out into the rain.

It was such a freakin' cliché, but I felt "young" again being with them. The images and rushes back to college memories made me aware of the passage of time.

I love walking through Penn station. I have felt it every single time I get off the train and do my trot-meander through the sights and sounds and warmth of that particular slice of humanity as I head to the connecting subway line.

On Saturday, I worked on Kinder's costume (he thankfully switched over to a mummy in order for me to manage to get it done by the party he was going to Sunday morning) and Barb went over to Cass and Bob's. It rained heavily for most of the day and soccer was canceled. That night B and I went to a Turkish-Mediterranean place in town for dinner and then up to the university theater to see Bill T. Jones. The performance was pretty stunning. I apreciate how his art is just accessible enough for me to feel like I "get" it while my imagination and wonder are being tweaked in delightful and devastating ways.

Sunday, Cap took the boys to the party at Felicia's and Anna and the kids came over. Anna drove down alone and we had a few hours together before André brought the kids over via bus form the city. It was great to see all of them, it was even okay to see André. It still makes me sad to think of how much I adored and felt a connection to him and have it be obliterated.

Yesterday Barb, the kids and I went to my favorite local diner which was fun. B grew up around here and they really don't make diners like this out on the west coast. We stopped into Whole Foods and Staples on the way home for some supplies: prosciutto for me, white paper for the kids (we make them reuse the back sides of paper for their drawing, but their output is huge).

We only took a few pics during our visit...it happens when there's so much fun and activity. The pic of B and me was shot by Kinder.



Woven throughout the last week plus has been increasing sleep deprivation as the Red Sox advanced to the World Series and then won it, Sunday night. Many of the games kept me up till 1:00 am and I am tired! Go Sox :-)

This morning, I finally sat down with the kids to play The Secret Door, B's gift to them. It was a fun cooperative game. The kids are fed (latke sandwiches, the de rigeur leftover breakfast after a dinner of latkes---they're not just for Chanukah around here :-), Danielle just dropped off a crucial piece for First's costume that she found for us in Sear's yesterday (thank you thank you), and Cap is about to sit with the kids for some table time.

I need to get dressed and face the music. First's costume needs to be tackled and if we're getting a pumpkin for him, it needs to be today (or tomorrow, I guess). As it is, Kinder's pumpkin has yet to be carved.

Big sigh, back to reality, serenity now!

The spirit of Dora lives

Kinder and I just had a surreal experience that made us laugh.

It is warm and wet today so all the windows are open. We were in the front room which faces the street that the high school is also located on, two blocks away. Beginning around 10:30 on weekdays, there is a fairly steady stream of foot traffic on our street. Students walking past our house on their way to or from getting something for lunch. We have a few bagel and pizza places a stone's throw from here.

Well, a few minutes ago, we were serenaded by a bunch of teenaged boys singing the Dora the Explorer theme song at the top of their lungs as they walked back to school. We didn't recognize the song immediately, but it dawned on us at the same time what the increasingly familiar tune was.

Sigh. It was both hilarious and lingeringly poignant.

Tagged

Tagged by Holly, here are eight things about me...maybe there will be some surprises.

1. I've played air guitar in the last 48 hours (to Matt Pond PA in the kitchen).

2. The first conversation I remember having with Cap was on his freshman hall (right under mine). He commented on my True West t-shirt. I was a big fan of Sam Shepard's in high school and the shirt was bought when I saw an off-Broadway production of his play, True West, starring Dennis and Randy Quaid as brothers. Cap and I were probably nineteen and eighteen. We were friends through our four years of college and didn't begin "dating" until two years after graduating.

3. I've baked two GFCF apple cakes in the last 24 hours. It's a great recipe from "Living Without" magazine. We have apples coming out of our ears. The second one came out particularly delectable.

4. I used to have a recurring nightmare as a kid. It involved a white picket fence, but was tense, suspenseful and kind of scary. I was being followed, but perhaps not pursued. It was never clear. There was also a big, fleshy, thing, that looked like the insides of a human and I always associated with a heart. But, the white picket fence would always, eventually appear and I would walk along next to it. The dream stayed with me for years, but I stopped having it sometime during adolescence.

5. The kids and I watched an Iron Chef episode the other day. They now know what arctic char is. I love that show. I really like the Food Network channel in general, especially Alton Brown. I also like other reality-based shows. I love The Amazing Race, and am currently hooked on America's Next Top Model (the contestant with Asperger's Syndrome drew me in initially) and Survivor: China. Wouldn't be happening without the dvr, but there you have it.

6. As a young girl, I loved the books: A Little Princess, the series of All-Of-A-Kind Family books and the series of Little House books. I was an avid reader until I had kids.

7. I love the ocean in winter. I imagine retiring to a home by the sea and I think a big draw for me is to be able to spend time sea-side year-round. I also love the wind and being amongst towering trees.

8. Something else I used to do more of before having kids is travel. Travel for pleasure is now something inconceivable (because of cost), but I hope that in five years or so this will change. I'd like to travel with them, but I guess I'd also like to travel on my own, and with Cap, too.

Now, how does this work, am I supposed to tag someone else?

Check out "tagged"

You can find it below...it was dated Sunday from when I started the draft.

The best medicine

Day trip

Yesterday the kids and I took a day trip north and west and met the Fiber Arts crew for apple and pumpkin picking. Our goal was for First to pick a pumpkin from a patch. The drive was beautiful, the foliage finally reminiscent of my memories. We drove just over an hour.

The pictures were taken before it all went wrong... I failed to pack enough to drink and it turned into a hot afternoon. There was little shade and the kids' cheeks turned pink early as they ran through the corn maze with their comrades.

I had thought about hats and figured it was late enough in the season and they wouldn't need them. I was wrong. But, that's what happens when I'm clutching various items and slinging a few bags and fiddling with my keys to get doors locked. The kids take off once they've gotten their shoes on and dash down to the swings out back.

So, they were hot and thirsty when we finally began the climb into the orchard. The kids and I were all exercising patience at this point because we were not there to pick apples. Of course, we enjoyed nibbles here and there (I had a scrumptious Fuji).

Then, Kinder started freaking out, no, FREAKING OUT, saying that something was hurting him as he jumped about, screaming in terror, grabbing at his pants. All I could think was that there was a bee in there getting more and more pissed at all the commotion, trapped and stinging away.

Luckily, it wasn't a bee. It was a bunch of prickles that he must have picked up as he tromped through the trees with Malik and his friends. Malik is a wonderful boy we've met through Fiber Arts who Kinder adores.

Nathalie, a new mom I met, helped me pluck out every offending fiber from the inside of Kinder's sweatpants. He was so traumatized that he wanted me to pick him up and carry him out of the orchard which I simply could not do. He is rapidly approaching 50 lbs. By this point, both my guys were grumpy and I led them out of the stand of trees.

As soon as we were back to the open field next to the orchard, First literally collapsed onto the ground. He was tired and thirsty. I wanted to go get our car which I had left by the farm market and bring it over to the orchard to drive it up to the pumpkin patch which was up and beyoned the apples.

I should have known when First said he'd rather wait for me there, alone, that something was wrong with him. But, I was somewhat harried by then... I called Kelly on her cell and told her that I was leaving First at the edge of the orchard and she said they were starting to walk back out to have a picnic, so I left him there, after directing him into a patch of shade, telling him the rest of the group would be there in a few minutes.

Kinder and I hiked back to our car. I went to the bathroom and then we bought some water and cider. We drove back to the group and I was glad to see First up and with the kids who were kicking a soccer ball around.

But then, Kinder said he wanted to stay in the car and First climbed in through an open window because he couldn't get into the car fast enough. They ensconced themselves in their car seats. I wanted to sit and eat with the group so I left them in the car with snacks and all the windows down. The cars were parked right on the grass of the field where we were picnicking.

After about fifteen mintues, Kinder called out for me and when I got to the car, First was nearly in tears saying he wanted to go home. I immediately realized that he was feeling awful. So, we abandoned our plans of pumpkin picking and decided to go home.

We drove back up to the market to use the bathroom and then took off. First threw up twice during the ride back, the poor guy. He took it all in stride and after the first time, I covered him in a blanket. He'd leaned over enough to throw up on the floor of the car instead of all over himself. There was barely any vomit on his clothes when we got home. This was a pleasant surprise for me.

Once home he threw up three or four more times even though there was nothing left in his system by then. I set up a plastic tub and some towels in the big bed and he slept fitfully until about ten when he finally stopped throwing up.

Cap and Kinder slept in the kids' room and I slept with First. He was burning up around 3 am and I got up and tended to him with a cold washcloth to his forehead for about 30 minutes. This seemed to help as he fell back into a deeper sleep. I remembered my mom doing the same for me...

I was up for a couple of hours because Kinder came in before I fell back asleep and it is hard for me to fall asleep once I'm sandwiched between the two kids. I finally crawled to the foot of the bed and curled up and slept there.

This morning, First is keeping his water and banana down. He doesn't feel feverish anymore and is quietly and alertly resting in the big bed. I managed to get the kids appointments with Vinny for this afternoon which I'm happy about.