Samson's locks

For the last few weeks I have been thinking about getting my haircut. In the last couple of days it has become nearly an obsession to mull over this seemingly simple decision.

My hair m.o. is to let it grow really long and then to cut it pretty short every few years. The last couple of times I've gotten it cut I've not gone shorter than shoulder length to avoid the repetition of maintenance haircuts needed to keep it very short. My hair grows quickly and it seemed like a lot of money to spend on "hair" to visit my beloved stylist every other month (this was back in Cambridge).

My recent quandary began with discomfort at night because someone or other would be lying on my hair and it would get pulled as I turned over in my sleep. (Both boys usually end up in bed with us by early morning.) Then I started to feel lazy about washing it. I would remember wistfully while showering how quickly I could wash and condition my hair when it was super short.

When my hair is long, I like being able to do things like wearing it in braids or wearing it "up". But, the reality is that I'm not really into spending much time on my hair or giving it much thought, especially in the morning. So, inevitably, it gets pulled back in a barrette. Every day.

I feel that when I have long hair, my identity becomes somewhat entangled (pun intended, I guess) with my hair. I become my hair in a way that doesn't happen when my hair is shorter. And these days that doesn't sit well with me. I'm turning 41 on Sunday and feel renewed in my joy and wonder at who I am and the possibilities for creativity that I am feeling. I really don't want to be thinking about my hair this much at all.

I've thought about asking my sister to chop it all off when she's here tomorrow, but distractions niggle and I may wait and go to a hair salon. I know what I want it to look like at this point, but am convinced that no one will be able to replicate the vision that is me in my fantastical mind. And then I realize I am still cycling pretty vigorously in these mundane thoughts.